Taken from christine's blog... Love it and agree with every single word he says! :D

Life and How to Survive It

Below is a speech to the graduating class of 2008 at NTU convocation ceremony last week by Adrian Tan, a litigation lawyer and the author of The Teenage Textbook. Read it! It's hilarious but very meaningful.


I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.


My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.


On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.


Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.


And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.


Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.


The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.



You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.



The good news is that they’re wrong.


The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.



I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life



You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.



Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.



So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.


Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.



I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.


After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.



Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.


That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.



If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.



What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.



Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.



What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.



Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.



The most important is this: do not work.



Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.



Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.




There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.




People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.



Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.




Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.




I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.




So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.



Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.



Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.



In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.



I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.




It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.



One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.



The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.


I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.



Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.




Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.



Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.




You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.




You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.





Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

In very exciting news...

And soo... This is what 23 feels like.. Pretty.Darn.Good. :D



I have always loved birthday celebrations because they are a wonderful way to make known to the birthday baby how much we treasure him/her. But my 23rd birthday celebrations made me realise tt i got it wrong. Of course i realised how much i am loved. But in actual fact, looking up from gleefully tearing off the birthday wrappers/ in the midst of everyone singing "Happy Birthday", i felt an overwhelming surge of love for my family and friends. Up to now, I'm struck speechless whenever i think of the thought, effort and sincerity they put into planning my birthday celebrations..

Jie Jie and Audrey kicked off the celebrations with a treasure hunt in which we found out tt my mind thinks very differently from theirs. for eg. the clue read as "I will direct you" and i immediately went to my confused mom and asked for the present. lol! hahaha! turns out the clue was referring to this super ex GPS they bought for me and placed in the car! I'm so conquering the world now! I love love love the wallet, bag, book (which i bought and then ask the staff to gift wrap for me) and most of all, the GPS! :D

Now, i was rather excited about the NUS gang celebration for the August babies. Because for every one of their birthdays, we have managed to put in a surprise factor in their celebrations. It all started with the very memorable incident of giving Alvinna a faux birthday present and watching her cover up any disappointed look. Well.. sometimes the surprise would fail because the birthday baby would cancel out at the last minute *looks pointedly at Claryce* but we succeeded more often than not..

Being 8 working adults + 1 unemployed bum (aka me), we don't really meet up often and hence Asilah and i knew that they would have to celebrate our birthdays during the one meet up in August. Hence, i was wondering how can they ever incorporate a surprise element. Which would lead to our smug confidence that we wouldnt be surprised at all. the feeling was more of a "BRING IT ON!"

Alvinna tried to pretned tt she could not make it for the whole celebration by saying that she had a Teachers' Day dinner then. i was smugly thinking "is this all she can come up with? HA!" I tried catching her out by asking her many questions and even wondering out loud whether we should postpone the dinner which made her go into a tizzy! hahahha! That was fun! And when Jiahui and Sherlin said tt they had to work late, i was happily and graciously accepting their excuses as i thought tt they were all tryingh to deceive me/ needed more time to prepare my present! (Turns out tt while Jiahui was trying to lie, Sherlin really had work to do before joining us!)

Met up with Hidayah, Jing Xian, Sherlin, Asilah first to eat at the Turkish restaurant before proceeding to minds cafe where the others would join us. Throughout the whole time, whenever Sherlin or Hidayah had to talk on the phone, Asilah and i would ask them whether the rest would pop up with the cake then! lol! We then proceeded to freak them out by detailing what we wanted on our cupcakes ("A tiara... perhaps a wand..." LOL! From the Turkish restaurant to Minds cafe, we were asking "is the cake coming now?" or wondering what the surprise element was. But when plans changed with Sherlin running out to make more calls at minds cafe and then dragging us out.. we started asking "is the cake coming out now?" everytime we stopped!

At Raffles city, they asked us to go the loos but we refused and then for a few minutes we stood there "admiring the view" together. lol! Excited by this development, we started keeping a look out for the rest to appear with the cake! At one point, we all cracked up when i suggested that the cake was gonna float down with helium balloons. Sherlin's incredulous expression was to die for! hahahahaha!

So, on the way, Sherlin kept on asking us whether we had a cardigan which made us suspicious ("is she gonna do a magic trick? like hold it up and TA DA! the cake appears??").. Finally at Orchard Mrt station, we stopped and.... sherlin revealed why she needed the cardigan. they were gonna blindfold us! on a busy friday night! at orchard road!! *cue horror music*

After lots of "omigawd! nooooo!"s, we were too weak from laughin so hard and had to surrender peacefully to them.. *thoughtful pause* have you ever tried walkin blindfolded.. in heels?? It beats any camp games. Along the way, i had Hidayah and Jing Xian guiding me while Sherlin guided Asilah. Hidayah kept up a running commentary (HAHAHAHA! this lady just did a double-take when she saw asilah!) while JIng Xian was the trustworthy guide when Hidayah answered her calls.

We walked all the way to ORCHARD TOWERS! tt's one whole stretch of road! we even had to jaywalk across! We whipped off our blindfolds to be greeted by the lovely sight of Alvinna and Jiahui grinning in anticipation! I knew they were bluffing! LOL! Anyhoos.. to cut the long story short, we celebrated at the 3 Monkeys Cafe. where the surprise element was ... to participate in the Kumar Show!

Yes. My heart stopped when i realised that. Yes. My face turned white when i heard that. Yes. I wanted to sink to the floor when Asilah squealed that! And Alvinna turned on her innocent expression and insisted tt it wasn't so! Even under the threat that they would have to go on the reverse bungee jump blindfolded if it was so! (OOOOoooh just you girls wait!)

Anyways it was there where my friends discovered our brillant talents at dancing. What can i say? August Babies just rock. :D It would have been better if the guy was actually cute though! lol!

The cake came out when we least expected it and they gave us so many presents. Through these presents, i discovered the image that i have been projected to my friends.

1. My boobs are equivalent to maternity boobs and i have a huge ass.

HAHAHHAA! and on the bra and the biggest darn undies i have ever seen, they actually wrote stuff all over it. This is what i call a personalised touch!

Anyways, i love the clarins spray and clutch! They wrapped the clutch up in 23 layers and with each layer came a post it note to tell me why they love me. altogether now.. AWWWWWW! It makes me teary just thinking about it!

Turns out that Jiahui and Claryce (QSes who are really really really busy) had to wrap it during their lunch hour. AWWWWW! I'm really touched!

All in all, it was a great birthday celebration and i loved every minute of it! Thank you so much for everything.. can you feel the overwhelming love pouring out of this blog entry??

And i have to come to the end of this post because i am showing emotion and i am chinese. we are stoic people who will not show emotion. but even so.. I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!

So a HUGE THANK YOU to

Jie Jie & Audrey for planning the birthday treasure hunt

Jie Jie & Dan for the awesome present of GPS, wallet and bag i love them!

Audrey for Stone Monkey hahaha!

Hidayah and Alvinna for buying the presents

Jiahui and Claryce for wrapping the presents and coming up with the 23 things we love abt adel during their lunch hour! I get all choked up when i think of how you two managed to squeeze time out of your very very very busy schedule to sacrifice your lunch hour for me! And i'm so very sorry for Claryce's paper cut! They bled for me! How much more can you ask for?? :D

Alvinna for managing to surpass the "surprise" quotient!

Sherlin for planning the whole thing.. down to the blindfold detail (yes i know it was you!). She looked so worried at first!

Jing Xian, Hidayah and Sherlin for patiently enduring our endless teasing (is the cake gonna come out here??) and leading us on a tour ard city hall for an hour!

Jing Xian for not leaving me alone when i was blindfolded!

Hidayah and Jing Xian for accomplishin the task of leading me to jaywalk while i was blindfolded!

Claryce, Huili, Sherlin, Alvinna, Hidayah, Jiahui & Jing Xian for taking time out to meet up, plan and celebrate our birthdays! :D

everyone who played a part in making me deliriously happy with all the birthday smses! :D