Have you ever wondered why people go all drama-ish hooha when they break up? How many of these "why doesn't he love me back?", "where did our love go wrong?", "i still love him.. make him come back" have you sat through? How many times have friends patiently offered a listening ear when people go through the whole up-and-downs of relationships?

Think about it. Friend A gets attracted to boy A. Friend A starts chatting excitedly about boy A who has become potential boyfriend A material. Friend B gets all excited because Friend B geninuely cares about Friend A's happiness. Then the merry-go-round begins. Friend A has boyfriend A. Friend B gradually gets pushed out of Friend A's life. When Friend B wans to talk about other stuff, Friend B switches off. Nothing else is as important as Boyfriend A. A meet up is never possible. Conversations center around Boyfriend A. How much can Friend B take?

She'll do anyting for her boyfriend. From cooking his meals to surprising him with roses to helping him take his phone for repair. But she'll not remember when her friends' birthdays are. She'll fold a thousand paper cranes for him but she'll not notice when her friends are upset. She'll rush to his aid the moment he smses but she'll not reply her friends' smses till the next day. She cries and analyses his every movement if they have had a fight. But she barely notices that her friends just argued with her.

I'm not pinpointing anyone.. i just thought that this is a pretty common theme among friends.. especially singaporean girls because come on. let's face it.. singaporean girls have never really been the most secure girls when it comes to relationships. Ilknow that many, including yours truly, can be safely accused of being guilty of such behaviour.

You see.. what bothers me abt this whole affair is that.. After getting neglected all these while, friend B takes an importance in friend A's life only when there is a crisis in friend A's life. If there is a break up, friend A tinks that friend B will always be there for her. Which is a tricky business for friend B.

You don't console friend A, and people will say you are a bad friend.

You console friend A, and everyone doesnt tink any better of you because friends are expected to do that. But listening to endless conversation analysing what went wrong? or having to constantly remind them of their self worth when what they did was essentially fling friend B aside when everything was fine? Picking up the pieces is a tedious and long process whichoften goes unappreciated. Often when break ups happen, the injured party needs someone to blame it on. You can't really tell the person that "hey. snap out of it. it's over" or anything because sometimes, you become on the receiving end of their anger because they need someone to vent it on.

So, isnt it a lose- lose situation for friend B?

I was talking to ting today.. and it's pretty sad to note the difference between friendships and relationships.

When break-ups happen in relationship, parties often try their best to save it.

When friendships break up, they don't go out with much fanfare. They just quietly dissolve. One party stops caring and the other one gets tired of tryin to maintain it tt they simply give up. Cause hey! there are other friends out there ain't there?

The other day, my dad was filling in a form and they asked for the particulars of 2 people who would be able to vouch for his character. And he filled in his friends' particulars. When i peeped over his shoulder, i saw that he had filled in the particulars of his friends. And in the section that asked him to state how long he had known the person.. well.. let's just said that they knew each other when they were 13! And to be able to maintain that kind of contact and friendship till their fifties is pretty incredible. Out of all my years of education, from kindergarden till JC, the only people i still contact are from my JC years. How sad is that? My parents have more friends than me. -_-

I once read an article about how people should try to maintain contact with their friends. But, what if the friends do not want to reach out? There is only so much you can do before you feel like throwing in the towel. It's like one day, something makes you screech to a stop and question your feelings. Why do you feel like you are patching up a boat full of leaks? Why do u feel so tired making excuses for your friend? Why are you doing this? And you realise, why do you even care when the other party has stop caring long ago? She has stopped caring about you. You were essentially just another audience in which she could relive her experiences. She's so far gone and here you are, like a pathetic foolish ex-girlfriend, desperately clinging to shreds of the memories. It isn't the same anymore.

So you bury this friendship in a graveyard, knowing that what's gonna hurt the most is that she'll never know that this friendship died a long time ago. Maybe, one day, she'll look up and go "hey.. didn't there used to be someone... oh never mind". That's what you'll become. A fleeting memory. A transitional figure who was tossed aside once your purpose has been served.

So this is what it is like when you knowingly kill a friendship. The quiet resignation and peace knowing that you won't fight the inevitable anymore. I wish you had pretended to care. Because faking excuses to myself was much better than knowing than you stopped caring a long time ago.