Dismay? Disappointment? Shock? Fury? Regret. Tell me. What should i feel.

Work just hit a new low.

Went to work feeling pretty happy. Needed to use Microsoft Word for 5 mins and asked the nice guy seated in front of me whether i could use his com when he is not around. He kindly gave consent and helpfully pointed out a computer which wasn't in use by anyone. Hence, Joan, chu hui and i eagerly tried to log in. After many attempts, we finally got in only to find out that no microsoft office components were installed in that computer.

Just as we were debating whether we could just download the software, our boss, mr fundamental came by and i hastily asked him whether we could just download the necessary stuff. After Mr Fundamental realised that we still had no computers after 4 weeks, he called the admin guy to the desk. And then the drama started.

Mr Fundamental told the admin guy to hurry with the computers. Being Mr Fundamental, his tone was as condescending and patronising as ever. I didnt feel that it was a scolding.. more of a "pls-do-it-asap" talk. I don't think Admin guy felt the same way as i did though. Because the coward, waited till Mr Fundamental was out of sight and said "FUCK" really loudly in our direction when someone asked him what happened.

Of course, we were a bit taken aback. This is, after all, our first offical "directed-to-us-fuck" Plus you must understand, Admin dude is in his 40s? really too old to be immature. Naturally we were a little stunned by the whirl of events that we were unwillingly sucked into. But then, i just brushed it off, thinkin that it is easy to understand the frustration one experiences after talking to Mr Fundamental. Perhaps Admin dude was just venting out his frustration in the only way he knew how?

Well, as if to contradict every thought i was conjuring to redeem him, admin guy threw a huge hissy fit, cursing and swearing loudly out of our sight and we heard a crash, as if someone had threw something down in a fit of anger. By this time, the whole section of the office had given up pretending that they couldnt hear what was going on and that crash made everyone in our section very clearly aware that something was happening.

Joan was called back to her desk to clear some desk space for the convenience of one admin girl. Left to ourselves, Chu Hui asked me to share my opinion on whether that "fuck" was directed at us or at Mr Fundamental. Just as soon as i said "Perhaps both? But maybe more to Mr Fundamentals bah", admin guy walked up to joan who was on her way back to join us. He came up to her, and with all the hatred and fury he could master, shouted "FUCK" in her face. Take note that my office is open concept i.e. you can see everything happening and i was standing facing joan's direction. I could see every horrid event unfolding and the memory of an old guy trying to bully a young girl into intimidation is forever etched in my mind.

It's the kind of incident that shocks you to your very bones. I wished i had done something then but the truth is? i was so shocked that a grown man could resort to such vile behaviour that i was rooted to the spot. Shouting "fuck' into joan's face in full view of everyone was akin to doing the same action to me. It didn't matter which QS intern he was shouting at, all he wanted to show was that he could humilate us and not to mess with him.

Judge a man by the way he treats his inferiors and not his superiors.

This is totally typical bully behaviour. Wait till the big boss is gone and try to flaunt superiority in front of those he judges inferior. Coward could put up a huge show of how angry he was but didn't have the balls to say "fuck" or express displeasure in front of Mr Fundamental. He could put up that show cause all but 1 manager were at a meeting.

After lunch, he stopped near my desk and started to stare at me. I was utterly fed up with his behaviour and just ignored him till he felt stupid and went on to stare at joan's back. Which joan didnt even feel. Sigh. I had always thought that this kind of guy would not survive in the real world. Apparently they can. in the construction industry at least.

tell me. how should i feel. cause right now? i feel dead.


i want to do more than just exist.