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Tuesday, May 15, 200711:14 PM
it's difficult to explain. to you, it may be that i'm making a big deal out of nothing.. the business world is full of this, i can't avoid it. I'm tired of trying to explain something i feel, and in the end, instead of being able to pour out my feelings, i ended up crying in frustration because i couldn't explain how bad i feel due to a "trivial matter". So seriously, dun read on if you feel that i making a big fuss out of a normal occurance. Remembered how theraupatic bloggin was when i was blogging about deranged rabbit's words so thought that i wud just give it another go. Here goes! I thought that i could give it my all. When do you know whether it is right to stay and fight against all odds, or when is the right time to accept that you are just not suited to stay, choosing to divert your energy and time to something you can be better at? Pity the fool that stays or pity the fool who fled? I hate being a quitter. I hate it if pple keep on saying interns are lousy and quit coz they can't take it. Or how spoilt they are since they can't even take that little bit of work. You can work me as hard as you want. i can stand in the sun from 9 am to 4 pm and sell drinks, dipping my hand into freezing cold water, carry heavy cartons of can drinks, wash dishes for 3 restaurants.... work me as hard as you want. I'll be damn glad to do it! There's something different about this company and i just cannot put my finger on why it's eating me inside out. i mean come on, i have no rose tinted impression on how interns are viewed.. heck any newcomer to a company is bound to face obstacles! it isn't so much the remark tt got me.. more of.. how i reacted so violently to the remark. My life has not been without mean remarks and words, so shouldn't i be more thick skinned than running to the stinky toilet and crying my eyes out? i couldnt even wait to get into the lift and get to another floor's toilet and tt is a bit.... unexpected. And if i can't even take this small thing, how can i expect to survive in a contractor's company where getting a scolding from someone is gonna be a daily occurrence? Havinf worked before, i understood that interns are the lowest of the food chain. Yes, i have faced discrimination during work. i was looked down upon for being Chinese (in USA), young (Prudential) and so forth. So yes! i understand the whole concept of workers not liking interns or new people. so seriously, telling me tt this is all just business dynamics is kinda... not helping. what perturbes me more is that as if my personality is a huge clash with the construction industry (ie i cannot work in an environment liek tt for life), did i just waste 3 yrs and my parent's money? And since my boss very kindly describe how NUS teaches us nothing and quote "takes the talented and makes them into non-talented people" end quote, am i not gonna end up with nothing? is this the case of the shoe not fitting or being unwilling to change? it's just me i feel. the rest are having a nice day in their companies so it must be just me. this is not helping. i'm still disappointed in everything. im gonna be a fool either way. i understand but this is not a good time to discuss about you. |
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