i talked to pearlyn on tues afternoon after my measurement exam.
to be honest, im rather tired and i really wanna let this whole issue go.. but sometimes, it is very difficult to forget painful events. it's like how when u drive a nail into a wall, you may be able to take the nail out but the hole u leave behind will always be there. I'm trying my best so please be patient with me.

my objective here is to just give you guys the facts and then you be the judge.
(all details here are as truthful as i can remember)
here is the blog entry she wrote:


on tues morning, she smsed me "Adel.. i read ur blog.. we seriously need to talk.. there's a lot of stuff we've been assuming between each other.. i know u have a paper at 1 later.. is it ok if i juz talk to you for a while? wat u tink n wats gng on is not e same.. i reallie have to talk to you.. please.." "if i juz talk to u for awhile? wat u tink n wats gng on is not e same.. i reallie hav to talk to u.. please"

when i replied back that we could talk after exams, because i do not want to run the risk of affecting my exams yet again, she replied..

"do u realise tt u din even ask me if its u? u juz assumed its u.. shldnt u ask before hand? i wanted to talk to u coz ure taking it wrongly n ure getting angry for nothing.. at this pt in time. do u reallie tink i have e time to start a whole online battle w u? reallie.. i wished u had spoken to me before u took things into ur own hands..i juz need to know.. r u e one who left those tags"

here, i replied tt the sms she mentioned was mine and tt she banned me from her tagboard. how cud i leave any tags?

"dun u get it? ure not e onli 1 who msged tt! yes.. i was irritated at u coz o ur post abt me standing u up.. i tried calling u n i msged u e moment i got hom e next day.. rem tt i said my ntu fren's granny was ill? *text deleted for 3rd party's interest* i was irritated w ur words abt me in tt post coz it was reallie a bad time.. tt's y i banned u on e board but u know my anger doesnt last long.. we reallie hav to talk"

"yes i wasirritated.. yes i banned u on my board.. but i was irritated n not feeling hatred towards u.. ure not e onli person who msged me tt day sayin the same thing.. i tried callin u just now but i guess ure rushing for ur paper.. juz give me a call after tt.. i told u.. it's not wat u think it is"

after my exams we had a very long talk where she claimed tt the "someone" does not refer to me. it also seems like someone had left 150 tags on her tagboard, scolding her, her friends, her family and her car. basically, everything about her. the above post was written when she was very angry and tired. she had planned to take it down the very next day. she didnt realised tt i would read her blog during the night.. and by the time she woke up, there was 150 tags on her board.

she says it is nothing and she didn't mean for it to cause such a hoo ha. ermm what else? oh ya! she used to think tt it was me who did all the tags till i told her tt
1) i had an exam at 9 am the next day and i hadnt study for it and the tues exam. i have no time to go do tt frm 12pm to 6 am
2) i was banned from the blog remember?
3) i will not be bothered to go and look for another computer to do tt
4) plus whatever i wanna say.. will be either in this blog or to her face.

the tags apparently sound alot like me. pearlyn and i both feel that the tagger would be my friend because duh.. i wud do the same thing if this happened to any one of my family or friends. so i guess birds of the same feather flock together then..
many people have been asking me for her photo so that if they ever see her on the streets, they can march up to her and tell her off.. so chances are.. the tagger is one of my friends.. i just do not know who..

anyways back to the topic! gawd i sound boring already.. bear with me.. its a tedious and detailed post. where was i? yes.. so anyways.. i asked her who the post was for then.. to give me a name for the "someone".. and she kept quiet for a very long time before telling me that she cannot give me a name. but to think about her feelings. which at tt point, im ashamed to say, i flared up and told her off for lying to me since that morning.. where she corrected me tt the first post was about me and the second not. the second post was about an outsider, who i do not know.

this is the first post then.


well.. she also said tt her friends have told her tt it was wrong of her to post that post. and now, after all those tags, she is too afraid to step out of her house. after she read my last post, she knows how i felt when i read her blog.
she no longer cares abt what happened in america and what the josef secret is.

now look at the facts. i cant remember anything else of tt conversation. i have intentionally omiited my responses so as to allow you guys not to be influenced by me. i leave u to form ur own opinion.

in the end, i told her tt i no longer wan to be part of this hoo ha. im just gonna try to pretend this never happened, a task i find easy to say but extremely difficult to do. why are we so stupid as to stubbornly hold on to something so painful? the memory comes back no matter how much i try to block it out. but i assure you guys, especially jinyu, i will try my best to forget about it.


you cannot hide nails inside a cloth sack.


on the other hand, im rather happy to know that.. no matter what, i have support when i need it. to be honest, i realise tt i have been such a lousy friend to u guys.. like sulking everytime you guys pang seh me.. im so sorry for being such a petty bitch to jillian and pei.. now i realised just how incredible you guys really are.. i have been so terrible to you guys and you guys actually put tt aside, sacrificed your study time to listen to me sob over the phone. to my sisters, who, without even learning more facts, supported me. i swear, if i ever murder someone, my sisters would find a reason to say the victim deserved it.

im grateful to people like ting, who, though physically far away and enjoying her easter break, took time off to care about me.. to jinyu, who willingly woke up to console me.. who allowed me to cry on his birthday. to my cousins, hanwei and ben for saying the right words.. to geetha for sending me such nice messages..to jianxiang for sending me messages and calling me in order to make sure i was alright.. to chee yen for making me laugh so hard with her smses.to my secondary school mates who though busy with their new lives, took time to care. i can't say all the names here.. you guys know who you are. to the new friends i got from this incident..basically to everyone i told... for assuring my doubts.. forcing me to stop wallowing in self pity, and face the world straight on.

i was listening to this few songs today and felt this song, though a love song, is very apt.

I got a question for ya
See, I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (No)
Make me cry? (No)
Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I baby, my love is on the up and up(Yes)
I'll be faithful (Yes)
I'm for real (Yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
Be without you by Mary J Blige

im loving jason mraz's "im yours" right now