i tink it kinda sucks when you have been looking forward to something and then be doused in cold water at the last minute. It's like jumping about in anticpation for candy.. doing homework for an ice cream treat later and then when u are just about to get your reward, you get smacked instead.. and people laugh at you calling you a loser for actually believing it would happen.

For an instance, i was dang excited with this fengshui map that i discovered. and the whole way home i was so engrossed with it that i dropped off at city hall and took the wrong train.. went back the way i came from.. by the time i reached home, i was hoppin with excitement and happily hugging my fengshui books. how was i to know that my suggestions were to be received with indifference and stupid jokes? then when i tried doing it by myself, i got mockery and scorn. it really sucks to find something im interested in and get completely ignored by my sister, mocked by my dad and an amused/half disbelieving mother.. i miss my younger sis now.. pity the lucky brat is in china! well.. so much for family support.

then, its like with the load of work coming my way all the time, it's safe to say i feel a little pressurised. what with assignments and projects due, new stuff coming up all the time and the need to research more into my lecture notes plus some bits of events management(thank goodness im playing a small role in the events company) coming my way, i love to work one whole week with a little titbit to look forward to. an enticement if you will. to spur me on in the same way a kid is looking forward to playing computer games after her homework. imagine the anticipation, though small, yet a great incentive. being abruptly taken away.

sigh. had a really lousy day as Neela can testify to. im sucha loser la. cant even find my class in SDE. poring through books to find stuff about sanitation does not a great day maketh. the only thing pullinh me thru is the hope that hanwei's textbook can shed more light on air handling units.

and u noe what really sucks? a few days ago, lester made a comment about how my life seems to be so full of troubles.. he got tt impression from my gloomy blog so i decided to get a more positive outlook on life.. u noe.. doing a good deed everyday, smiling all the time and trying to cheer pple up.. but it really makes it so much more difficult when the determination to be nice and cheerful gets stomped all over by incidents.. some how i get this impression someone/something out there is going "HA HA HA! you fool.. how can you change night into day?" man alive, i do sound clingy and whiney.. not to mention loser-fied!


ahhsss.. dun mind me. i just hate disappointment.. especially when i count on events to be my reward. i guess in a way, i deserve all this "pang seh"ing la.. since i did it so many times to jianxiang.. to jianxiang.. im super sorry!

well.. if it's one thing i have learned.. never count on other people to be your reward! it's better to use items like food or a dvd marathon to be your "light in the tunnel!" trust me on this.


study alone. eat alone. sit alone. now.. shop alone. life just keeps on gettin better