stole this from pei's blog:

i will not think of him.

my life... is more than just regrets damn it. i will not associate whatever i see with him. whatever i eat with him. whatever i do with him.

my life is going to be great this year. and im not going to allow ANYBODY to mess it up.

this is just one of the reasons why i love pei.

this is absolute bullshit. Everytime i let my guard down, something happens. Take today, it was totally out of the blue. My sister said she had some place to recommend. and where does she bring us? telok ayer road. where my relationship with andy began. i passed by the shophouse i was supposed to do a project on, the street where we parked and he got a fine, the shophouse alley where he took the scary photo, the exact route we walked. ARRGH!

this is not the bloody first time..it happens out of the country too! like the time my parents brought us to malaysia to shop and guess what? it was the exact same mall andy brought me to! imagine how cold and terrible i felt when the realisation took place!

or the very same hotel he took me to to eat dim sum. and u noe the worst part? i can't tell my family how i really feel. I don't want to sppoil their experience. So, i paste a stupid smile on my face and grin and bear it.. when all i reallie wanna do is run out and go somewhere safe. it's a terrible feeling to sit there and act normal when everywhere u look, u see a ghost of memory. and no one understands.

it's painful. and u cant tell anyone how u feel. so u bite ur lip, pretend to enjoy the food when u feel sick to ur stomach. your heart feels friggin dull and for tt very moment, you just feel defeated. it's a lousy feeling.

look. it's not tt im weak or tt im not over him.. i just don't want to be constantly reminded of him. If you are trying to quit smoking, how can u do it in a room where everyone is smoking?

yeah im trying to deal. but nobody told me that it would hurt so bad or be so difficult.