ermmm happy belated christmas everyone!

im sick! *wails* normally i wouldnt whine (well. maybe i would whine a little) but why oh why must i fall sick when my parents are away? DARN it!
Well.. it still has been a fun couple of days! pei and i were planning to drown our sorrows by gettin drunk but we got side tracked along the way by mee pok and dvds.. oh man.. we are such chilli whores.

speaking of pei, i love her present! its this really lovely red wooden vintage bangle she got from topshop.. and ting gave me gold bangles which im already planning to wear to raffles hotel. most importantly, they loved my presents (at least they acted really well in liking my presents)! got pei a book "Mean Lies to tell Kids" and her sex and the city episode. while ting got a mood calendar so that she will be less transparent to her aussie friends! hahahahahha!
and for the record! i did NOT hide behind the popcorn bucket during chronicales of narnia.. i was merely sliding down in my seat since ting's shoulder was made very inaccessible to me!

yipes! i am bleeding in my nose! grossified! anyhows! although the days leading up to christmas were absolutely fantastic.. christmas day itself was really crummy with me brooding inside my room while other pple enjoyed themselves outside. thank goodness for tim who saved the day in his own way. i tink. well anyhoos! as christmas day rolled ard i was pretty apprehensive in the sense tt it was ard this time last year tt andy and i kinda got together so there are certain days when the memories will flood back. which is kinda madnesss coz im not supposed to tink of him anymore. so! for every day that was made memorable last year.. im gonna replace it with another day! like for new year's eve, instead of it being "the day andy and i blah blah blah.. " its gonna be changed to "the first real clubbing trip with jillian!" yay! and christmas day is now known as "the day i got my cough from christine" she's right. i sound like a bloody 80 yr old woman dying of lung cancer.

oh ya! bangkok was absolutely fantastic.. if only their tee shirts were a wee bit bigger sized. it was shopping and good food all the way. would literally drop into my hotel bed at the end of everyday. the thais reallie have got it made manz. i love love love their massages! i would reallie like to go back again next year.. to the weekend market and all the food places again! heh heh.. and the alcohol there is pretty cheap!

oooh! i love the first week of jan already.. cheeyen and jinyu are coming back. you have no idea how much the very thought of seeing them again is so... such a relieving and cheerful thought!

funnily.. i miss the boyband phase in spore.. does anyone feel the same? or is it only me? granted all the ermmm coordinated dancing and pop tunes really would be damn laughable in these days.. but come on! remember how young and impressionable we were? their tunes were good bck then! eh? eh? hahahahhaa!

you might have been hurt babe
that aint no lie
you have seen them come and go
i remember when you told me
that it made you believe in "no man no cry"
maybe that's why
every little thing i do
never seems enough for you
you dun wanna lose it again
but im not like them
maybe when you find love
when you love somebody..
guess what?
it's gonna be me

*sheepish grin* okok i was listening to that song.. i'm sorry! pls remain friends with me! hahahah i promise i won't sing it out loud when im in your company. it's not my fault! pei, ting and neela once loved mandy moore! oooh im so gonna die.. if they get me before i bleed to death frm a nose bleed or lung cancer.

im in a reflective mood right now. (over)analyse this.

it's kinda sad when you finish a story with.. 'well.. and that's that. that's it"
cheeyen used to say "close book! cut all contact!" but girls are funny. they always make use of stupid excuses to stick ard like.. " i need the list from him" or "i need to return him his CDs.." or even "my CDs are with him!"

( speaking of closed books.. majo has finally emailed. *amused* exactly what kind of illness would last for 3 weeks? )

Then one day, it happens. he does something. it can be really small. but you look at him and it dawns on you.."what the hell are you doing? You idiot!" and all affection dies a cold death.

i hate it when someone is continously smsing while in my company. it's just plain telling you that you are boring shit. or when someone invites friends to the outing without asking whether you mind. ah balls! whatever. i'll get over it. i always do.
am just a teensy weensy upset coz it was a good friendship.

i agree with pei. i'm really hoping and wishing for better days to come.

tommorrow is the big day! i'm frigging scared that when pei and ting rips off the wrapping, they will get this big "huh?" look on their faces before tryin to cover their dismay up with bright smiles.. and i know what pei's fake bright smile looks like! arrghhh! ohhh cant breathe! am just gettin anxious to tink abt their reactions.. shall turn away while they open! i'm sorry im freaking out but this is my first ever christmas present exchange with friends!

in a way, im excited.. coz this is what christmas presents are all about right? sitting down and thinkin what the person likes and may want.. and then all this nervous anticipation before the present opening.. and the best part is in the giving and if the person likes the present... knowing that you were the one who put the smile on tt person's face. that's basically what giving is all about right? putting real geniune smiles on pple's faces.

so God help me if they dun like my presents tommorrow.

satisfaction. pure delight. glee. content.
im back from thailand.

i'm actually pretty nervous for tomorrow.. reallie reallie hope that pei and ting like my presents.. arrghh! stress!

oh.

i love being me.

"i love being us" --- pei

yes.. i love it when pei and i wud sigh into our pillows at appropriate moments when ting relegates us with stories.
i loved it when both of us surprised ting with a birthday cake.. we were jumping all ard while waiting for her to walk up to the room. it was one of the more agonising 10 mins of my life.. only to find out tt ting was at the wrong hotel. gah!
i loved it when we started making up our own card games.. and trying (unsuccessfully) to make ting drunk.
i loved it when we started becoming scandalous.
i love the fact tt whatever happens to me, i can count on them to always be there. to never patronise but to comfort and lend me strength before i can stand up on my own.
i love shopping for them. i loved it when ting gave a exclamation of genuine pleasure when she saw our present.
i love the postive feelings we generate.

basically... i love this two girls to bits. whoever comes near to hurting them.. will have to go thru me first!

well during tt night, we got to talkin and pei asked a question that stuck in my mind.. "at what point.. does it become a relationship between two pple?" at which point during the courtship, does one noe that the other is exclusively one's own? that the other party is taking it as seriously as you are? i met hanwei last night ans we got to talking.. Halfway thru the conversation, i realise when. It becomes a relationship when you allow the person close enough to hurt you. when you open your heart.. and show ur vulnearability. that is when the relationship starts.

i'm pretty sad after meeting up with my secondary school friends yesterday. everyone around me loves their seconadry school friends. not that my sec school frens are any different.. they still run ard in the same crowd and know what the others are up to. but i simply cannot mix with them. for the very simple reason, that everytime we meet up, this certain girl seems to find extra pleasure in puttin me down. it's not the same as how hanwei and jinyu does it. it's all made out of plain spitefulness. you can tell that she really means it. There are times you look at her and you can see the unmasked hatred, the cruel twist of her mouth, the sneer.. and God help me, everytime she opens her mouth to insult me, many horrible retorts crowd my mind.. it takes a supreme effort to stop them all from tumbling out.

don't get me wrong. i'm not being nice or a poor suffering girl who cannot speak up for herself. but more to.. i prefer to lace my comments with icy sarcasm and intelligent wit. (of coz i have had many teachers in this manner.)
to retort back "i have everything you don't" to her "well. no matter what, you are still ugly"..
it's just simply lowering myself to be as childish and spiteful as her. it was always a matter of simply ignoring her when she made such comments. but lately, i cant help letting the icy contempt creep into my eyes. i hate myself when im with her. on one hand, i can coldly assess her and pick out all her faults. but sometimes, her remarks hit a little too close to home. and when she touches me, i can feel myself recoiling. for example, when she started feelin the back of both my arms while tellin me that i have grown fatter, it took an immense amount of effort to not slap her (i slap you when pple im not close to touch me without warning).

and the superficiality of it all! to have her proclaim that we are best friends. to have them thinking that i'm fine with it all. to have her thinkin that my silence to her comments is consent. makes me shake my head. the fake smiles i put on. let me try to put it in better context.

the comments, the manipulation of the conversations so that i get left out, the little actions and all, makes the company un-enjoyable. but when u do all that, and pretend that we are still friends? that is where i have to draw a line. my life is too short for me to waste breaths on talkin to you like you don't hate me.

i noe friendships are pretty important. but u have to understand, i can no longer keep up this pretense. when i'm with you, a little bit of me dies because of what i have to become to be with you. i dun wan to be a petty fool who tinks stupid mean thoughts about you out of spite. it's not who i wanna be. so let me save my last shred of dignity and bow out of this catfight i never wanted to partake in.

something that hurts is that.. these comments are made in the presence of other friends. Not one comes to my defense. i dun expect anyone to leap to my defense. but it wud be nice if someone looks uncomfortable and joke ard to stop it. but lately, they are reminding me of sheep. they are joining in.. and i hate it when they call me bitch. i wud normally be proud to be one. but when they say it.. i immediately feel like shit.

ah wells! im off to thailand tml! yay! it wud be tight budget but if i can survive on $20 a day for NYC... i can survive anything!

and after that! it will be the 23rd.. where i wud have my first christmas present exchange with friends! ansd pretty nails!
plus i get to watch king kong with hanwei! i can't hardly wait to watch king kong! been waiting ages to see it and searching ard for someone to accompany me go watch it. king kong: machoism at its very best! a giant ape professin his love by climbin to the top of the tower to grunt. ting tells me that it's not like tt at all.. but of coz i wouldnt know wud i?

off to enjoy the last of my VCDs before tml.. haven even packed anything yet..
see ya all in a week's time. Happy holidays!

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
- - - Margot Asquith

you know what's fucked up?

i hate it when you think the whole world owes you a living. i hate it when you think having a boyfriend is a valid excuse for cancelling at the last minute. i hate people who pretend to go along with stuff and then back out a few days/hours before it.. its like telling you "hey.. i have a life.. and you don't.. why don't you wait ard till i'm free next? you are just a back up to my social life"

what's up with just givin a honest answer like "hey.. i don't think i can make it" upfront when people ask? why go along with it till the last minute? people make time and plans for you.. to have it repeatedly shot to death a few days or hours before. what the fuck do you take us for? i don't get all these people who keep on cancelling at the last minute. they are as good as their word.. and their word is no good.

i just had a friend cancel on me for this chalet thing that we had planned. i wud be cool if not for certain details
1) among the 4 of us, it was not exactly easy to find a date where everyone wud be in singapore. and we had confirmed it over and over again that it wud take place on the 2nd week of dec.

2) i was supposed to go on a trip to malaysia with my family on 2nd week of dec but because it wud be the only week where all 4 friends wud be in singapore together, i told my family that i wud forego the trip.

3) my mother piled up this guilt trip on me.. and because of me.. the whole family is not gg up to malaysia anymore. now i feel guilty because of the line "its all about making either your family or your friends happy. Choose"

4) i made my choice.. and you have let me down so badly.. it's disbelieving. you didnt even give a fuckin excuse. and didnt reply back to my sms. all the details were settled.. all you had to do was book the damn chalet and turn up. but you didnt even bother bookin the chalet.. which makes me wonder how sincere you were abt turning up.

the fury of it all.

5) and now.. you have the cheek to tell another friend that i'm furious because you didnt book the chalet. HELLO! i wud be totally cool if you didnt manage to book the chalet.. BUT YOU CANCELLED! without a fuckin reason. tt is the main reason why im furious. dun give a shit abt the chalet part. two faced. bile is rising in my throat just at the thought of your conniving actions.

you have no enemies.. but on the other hand.. you are intensely disliked by your friends.

ah wells... i will always love the false image i had of you.

6) someone tried to make excuses for you by saying that you need more time for you boyfriend.

No. No. No. No. a boyfriend does not validate your lousy actions. spend all the time you want with him. just don't take people for granted. pretending to go along with stuff and then ALways pulling out at the last minute. and in what way does havin a boyfriend excuse your behaviour?

we may not be very close..*cold assessing look* you know, i may not have many friends in NUS.. but it's alright with me. At least i noe.. that, unlike you, im not a lousy friend to the few i have. i have no energy and time to be superficial like you.. giving out empty promises.. selfishly viewing others as back ups to your social calendar..Manuplatively lying through your teeth... had enough of that in secondary school. but.. hey! whatever makes you happy right?

you have no enemies. But, on the other hand, you are intensely disliked by your friends.

i need to get this out..

i wanna get married! hahahahaha! *daydreams* saw wenting's blog and its pictures.. and im so jealousss! you noe what wud be cool? if one of us got married.. maybe ting. and we cud all fly out to australia! and i will catch the bouquet.. *daydreams abt catching the bouquet* it wud be a evening wedding and then the reception after it will be simply gorgeous! there will be a nice white tent set up and delicious food.. and we will party till our heels come off! of coz we can take in a little sight seeing for the next few days (since we are already there.. we shouldn't waste the tickets right?) and maybe suntan by the beach ( bring on the sun tan lotion!).. and maybe show our nice tan at the clubs before headin back home just in time for ... pei's wedding! well true there is a teeny weeny tiny baby glich in the plan. That is, there isnt reallie a prospective groom but hey that can be overcome! grooms can be rented right?

okay ting just shot down my brillant idea. coz according to her "guys are screwed up". which is partially true. but she has to get married! i wanna attend a wedding!

is it possible to just have the wedding and not the married life?

warning: this will be the most bimbotic post ever.

*lower lip trembles*

i miss pei.. now.. i shall lapse into a bawl fest.

i miss jill.. which would allow me to howl the house down

and jinyu! didnt even sms a word "goodbye". my heart breaks at the very thought! that player! have already sent him a scathing email. hope tt when he opens the email, curse words POUR out of his computer.

and where is ting? LOST in Singapore! Hahahaha!

arrghh.. i am about to commit the most cringeworthy action yet.. but you must admire me for my bravery to confess this dark secret of mine. I wanna go watch backstreet boys concert! Hahahahahha! who wanna go with me? we shall wear papar bags over our heads! ehhh wait no. we must be proud of being girls who were once crazy abt them in pri 6.. we will go there in t shirts with the words "we love BSB! Marry us!" emblazoned across! and throw our panties onto the stage!

oh screw that. it's never gonna work. let's go back to the paper-bag-over-head plan.

i started work again.. at a higher pay so hopefully when i come back from thailand i won't be that broke! had a very interesting week so far.. So far, i have had an in-depth conversation with a 5 year old on who would die in Harry Potter. (He is of opinion everyone would die.)when i accidentally revealed that Dumbledore would die to his brother.. the poor kid was devastated! my heart reallie went out to him as he started guessing who killed dumbledore. i need to start watchin more spongebob squarepants episodes and the Harry Potter Movie just so i have stuff to talk to the kids about! ahh! the things one does for work!

another girl solemnly informed me that foxes do NOT eat rabbits. Foxes eat onions while rabbits eat carrots. other stuff i have learned from the children is that
1)a pencil needs to be very sharp in order to do work,
2) Spiderman is very powerful..he does not need to do homework.
3) Santa Claus can't come to Singapore because it is too hot for his red suit.
4) Nicolas's birthday is on 5th October. he is 7 years old and can do his work on his own thank you very much.

this are very appropriate lines for the following paragraphs.
Rachel: You thought Ross wanted to kill you
Phoebe: well... i'm sorry. it's hard to believe that anyone would tell that dull a story just to tell it

i have a feelin my mother wans to kill me.. she made me sit thru an excruiating boring chinese awards show as she happily gossiped to my grandparents. i was dying as i alternated between criticism of their dress sense and their acting skills.

adel: (indignant tone) she can't even act! they just re-use her because she has a really good agent! they should give the agent an award! are you quite sure he should win that? (smug tone) i sure hope he gets paid lots of money to wear that hideous contraption.

mother: (gossips more in dialect)

sister: how would you know? you don't even watch channel 8.

adel: they are the reason why i don't watch channel 8! oh! and the plots.. and the constant "advertising" by the government in their shows.

well at least i got to relearn the chinese word for "thank you" in the end, i just curled up on the couch and felt my brain cells die out one by one. and yes.. my family is hooked onto the friends dvd tim brought.Even my mother.. (yes.. im talkin about the very woman who wouldnt even cast a glance to the tv).. while i was putting in the dvd.. my mother actually came and happily made herself comfortable on the sofa! needless to say, i was shocked. i can tell you what happened in each episode now.. Tim! Save me! bring more the next time we meet up! Hahahhaha! and i will gladly fall to your feet and kiss them.. and offer my sister up to be your slave!

oh my dog can no longer celebrate Father's Day. the poor bugger looks so forlorn with his elizabeth collar.. it's no longer amusing.. and you reallie can say .."He has no balls" now. contary to popular notion, the weenie doesnt get snipped off.. his balls get deflated. it is a very .. wanna-laugh-yet-feel-so-sad for him feeling. i felt so bad for him, have stopped yelling at him to get off the patio or chewing the slipper.. even gave him more food! poor bugger.. he almost looks like copper now!
copper by the way.. is being an absolute darling! have been going over to chris's house just to be ard him.. no one can resist those lovely sad brown eyes! oh and he is still not letting go of this green towel he carries ard everywhere! so cute!

last night, i just realised how averse i am to to being in a relationship. i actually ran all the way home to the tune of hard rock!

it's amazing that two people can be so right for each other at a certain point in their lives.. but they dun get together coz its the wrong timing. and then later in life.. when the timing is right, they have changed so much, it's no longer possible.

then there are the people who are so right for each other.. at the wrong time.

everything is screwed up..
arrghh..ah wells..it's nothing that a good fuck won't cure.

happily ever after is just an unfinished nightmare.

TADA! Here is my study collage part 1! Click on the thumbnail to see the enlarged picture.. im pretty proud of it coz it's not your average typical collage. Plus this is my very first creation from photoshop! the last time i tried photoshop, i whined and rolled all over jinyu's bed while he helped me at the computer..

kudos to christine and pauline for helpin me out with this collage!

*grinz* this is going out to wenting...
Squeeze me! HAHAHHAHA! comin up next... MILK me!

my ipod has its own list of christmas songs.. here are some lines i listen to on the mrt..
deck the halls with boughs of holly! T'is the season to be jolly! just hear those sleigh bells jingling ring-ting-ting-a-ling.. giddyap giddyap giddyap..let's go! our cheeks are nice and rosy.. comfy are we.. at the fireplace.. we hear the chestnuts pop.. pop! pop! pop!

i have decided.. shall read a trashy romance novel later! jie borrowed some books.. all their covers have some girl.. with a huge bosom swooning in the arms of a dashin dark man.. teeheehee! shall make myself comfortable with hot steamin milo and a blanket.. then snuggle up to read about "throbbing member", "hot tingles where he touched her", "the hot searing heat of passion", "ripping apart of clothes" teeheeehee.. sounds brainless, bimbotic and good already! oh.. scrap the milo.. im cookin meself noodles!

learned something.. when guys decide to play cupid.. they suck at it!

the elusive search for my soulmate jeans..

don't you wish she's half as good as me?

im weak.. cure me of my addiction!