I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you,
soI should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everythingI never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
We belong together
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minuteThis is too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface"I only think of you"
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of whatI'm feeling inside
I need you

I watch you and realise ... how happy you are without me in your life.. You may be so close yet you are on the other side of the world to me. Maybe someday i will understand why you dont want to be with me.

You know what sucks? to tink you are over someone and then you see a borders.. or a place which brings bac memories. it just comes back in an unexpected flood.

if i could have just one wish.. it would be for you to be happy.. which is why.. i know i will be disappearing from your life soon. i have and always loved you. it doesnt matter if you don't love me back.

i woke up one morning.. and saw this very amusing scene..simply had to document it! can u see what i found hilarious? clue: it was accidental..i slept with orson the pig all night! 

hahahha! welcome to the family cookie monster.. what a way to be welcomed! 

errks.. a spot! and at such an *ahem* inconvenient place too!  

okok.. back to serious stuff.. i desperately need help in this area. anyone noe where i can get the same grey ralph lauren sweater? 

i love my family 

every dog has his day. This is how my dog sleeps in the afternoon 

the reason why we call him "dash".. he was responding to the call of "dash! dinner!" 

with such a look like that, how can you not take him out for a walk?  

This was to the sound "Dash! look here!" and stupid bugger moved. 

to the sound of chicken clucking.. i swear.. my dog is the most photograph unfriendly dog ever! 

finally! a nice picture of dash! *take note: he responded to the sound of "what the hell!" 

thanks for all your understanding smses and concern. I'm okay now.

walked home in the rain today. it's been ages since i did that.. its a wonderful feeling to raise your face to the sky and feel the raindrops on your face! although i do wish i hadnt choosen to wear a thin white shirt today. was something like a wet t-shirt contest without the glamour. just the shirt sticking to the body till when you peel it off, it makes a suction noise. as soon as the rain came down, qucikly wrapped jill's books up in my sweater.. $140 and $60 worth of goods in my hands.. cannot fool around manz!

just an issue: guys like to ogle at boobs right? i mean porn has boobies all over.. and guys are often proud of the way they ogle at boobs.. so.. why arent girls fascinated with their own boobs? like guys get to look but cant touch.. girls can look and touch what! hahahahaha gives new meaning to "appreciate what is under your nose"

please. go ahead and kill. don't give me this slow torture.

its 7 in the morning. my group report is due in 2 hours and i just opened up my grp member's work. oh gawd. i cant take it anymore! please kill me already!

i have no one to complain to right now so hence im typin out my frustration here. how could he? to think i trusted him so and was happily typin out conclusion and tweakin my part and trying to figure how to do the formatting. and now. i see. my gawd. its reallie no use. i just feel like sittin here and just pouring out my tears onto my computer.. am quite quite quite in despair.. the feelin when u noe u are screwed even though you have worked on ur part. now what can i do? i have no time to do his research. i cant crap thru the whole part.. whats the point of doin it anways? another grp member hasnt finished his part.

oh gawd.. im fightin desperation. its like havin a runway train coming towards you and u noe there is nothin u can do abt it but watch it happen

though i must say despite all this shit.. i tink im going quite mad.. coz admidst all these tears, im laughin at all my situation. the big joke? it gives new meaning to the sentence "work that makes you cry"

somebody. help me. please. please. take me out of this hell. im going down. this is worth 60%!!!!! oh gawd i can feel another wave of tears coming.

how could you?? how could you just apologise and then turn in crummy work? how could i have trusted that you would do your part? you promised me you would help with the work.. why did you make promises when you didnt mean them? was it too much to ask of you to properly do your part? tell me what did i do to make you hate me this much? why on earth would you want to drive me crazy with all this stress! why??

God, if you are listening.. i tink that's enough karma for me. please. i need this project to pass. need this so tt i got a shot at SEP! please God. help me. i need a miracle now. i need to go on SEP! need to get out of NUS campus for one sem.. oh gawd. i cant stay in nus and stay sane. i cant! i cant i cant i cant!


i learnt. aint nobody to depend on except for me, myself and i. *bitter smile* thanks.a.lot. hear that sound, thats the sound of my sanity going down the toilet.

internal screamin in progress

disclaimer: this post is more self-centred and whiney than any other post
random thoughts:

Don't give up on us, baby
We're still worth one more try
I know we put a last one by
Just for a rainy evening
When maybe stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through
I really lost my head last night
You've got a right to start believin'
There's still a little love left, even so

Girl, I can tell you've been crying
And you needing somebody to talk to
Girl, I can tell he's been lying
And pretending that he's faithful and he loves you
Girl, you don't have to be hiding
Don't you be ashamed to say he hurt you
I'm your girl, you're my girl, we your girls
Don't you know that we love ya
It gets hard sometimes
But I need my man
I don't think y'all understand I'm telling you.

thank you for thinking that im God.

*bitter smile* i know when to bow out. why do u tink im workin so hard to get out?

big mountain.. upside down!

shit. chalet not booked yet.

can i not go to school tml?

i dun know how much of this i can take.

sighz. i seem to be gettin off the wrong foot with everyone.. pissing off everyone left right centre.
something is not right. but i cant put my finger on it. i have this queer feelin within me.. its just this mild unsettling feelin that something is not quite right in my life.. it's like a cold hand just closed over my heart. and i cud amend it if i cud just know what it is!

on a lighter note.. my grp members are finally takin the project seriously.. its never too late.. i hope!

at first.. i was
tired. irritated. bored. frustrated. on the brink of tears. desperate. hot. angry. disappointed. disgusted. in the depths of despair. bitchy. capable of physical hurt. stressed. wallowing in self-pity.


now.. i am
still tired. amused. two chocs fuller. grinnin frm ear to ear. in 7th heaven. singing to my laptop. able to laugh at my dire situation. calm. consoled. at ease. happy. pleasantly surprised. still bitchy. very entertained. daydreaming. still hot. in a state of utter bliss

thanks to... a offer of gg KL with pearlyn. wonder whether my pockets will allow it.. have to calculate.. big spender big spender big spender!


thanks to...4 episodes of friends... with 7 more seasons to go... *trembles with sheer delight*


thanks to... GODIVA chocolates.. im not makin a big deal out of nothing here.. but i haven never tested GODIVA chocolates in their individual pieces.. feel a lot like charlie in the ronald dahl's "charlie and the chocolate factory" where charlie has only one chocolate bar a year and he takes a tiny nibble at the bar every year.. but the chocolate is enough feast for his eyes.. yep! thats how i feel now.. slowly savouring every single nibble.. they are simply delicious so far! the anticipation of eating the rest is just sendin such tingles down my spine!



most importantly.. thanks to tim. many thanks for the dvds and chocs!

the paper bag everyone craves for... and thanks to tim.. i have it! *evil laugh* 

Different kinds of GoDiva Chocs! eat ur heart out.. it totally made my day.. or even week! 

my tomato plasters! courtesy of jinyu.. 

contributed by pei 

this post is dedicated to dear pei... who, having a parasite in her group, perfectly understands my violent tendencies..The picture above was contributed by pei too.. This post also goes out to anyone who will, while reading the below text.. go "hell yeah!".. or is in danger of strangling their project group mates. you have my sympathies.

This is one hell of a bitchy post so if you don't like it.. don't read it.
NO! we cannot "see first". NO! We cannot "never mind.." i feel like shakin some people till their teeth rattle about in their brains and then fall out frm the holes in their heads. i realised what a bad idea it is for schools to have group project because it tends to bring out murderous inclinations in us.
Pei and i were comparing group members.. some thing like poker
- i see your one "eye pain" girl with one non-existant group mate
- and raise you one flippant member. and do the draft in 2 hrs under medication.
guess who won?

i realised tt there are certain categories of group members. see whether you fall into any or noe some idiotic moron who falls under it.

The Lively Dead One (He has a life.. You don't)
This kind tinks that since that he has a life, you don't need to have one. so hell don't interrupt his social calender with your meaningless meetings coz he has other important things to do with his time. Screw you and your life. how dare you set a deadline for him? He had more important things to do! Be honoured and grateful when he turns up for meetings.. late. and God forbid, don''t let the meetings run for more than 30 mins. he has to go for some very important meeting.. never mind that you have not discussed much.. never mind that the project is due soon.. never mind that your arteries are gonna burst. please arrange ur time according to his.. and your plans too

God (I fall into this one)
The one who does everything and does not like it when someone else edits their work. Even if their work contains statements like "Various gases and particles which can catch fire easily must be careful". Because it's them. They can't go wrong.

The One who thinks you are God (He thinks you can do everything in a matter of hours)
let's say you are the last one to put together the draft. You need to proofread.. everyone knows the deadline is tues morning 11 am. so you set a deadline.. say monday evening. when do they hand in their share of work? tues morning 2 am. Because you are God, you don't sleep right? or they hand in their work mere hours before the school's stipulated deadline. so you are frantically trying to do everything within an hour.. sometimes.. it's quite frustrating because they took such a long time to do their work but.. it's all crap. as in no useful information.Even God had 7 days to create this world.

Dumb and Dumberer (So dumb that you fear for his empty head)
There are many kinds of incomprehensible stupidity in this world. But most are evident in group projects. A good example is the Priotised One who can watch a soccer match even when the project's deadline is the very next day and nothing has been done.

The Mother/Father-in-Law (Nothing is ever good enough for them)
They don't contribute.. sit there with a snotty smirk on their face.. make u wanna slap them left right up down.. They do their work and later they sniff that it is not good. After everyone has put in hard work and all.. they just criticize how people went about doing it.. which is a bitch coz they didnt even attempt to contribute at the initial stage.

The Invisible Caveman
Never answer calls. amazing isnt it? how the world has become so adept at communication technology with handphones, land phones, internet, email, MSN, ICQ... and the Invisible man evaporates into thin air the moment work is to be done... mysteriously emerging from his rock after everything has been done.

Just (Let someone else) do it
Why do it when someone else can? Never mind that the rest have done 3/4 of the work.. Heck .. since they have done so much.. let them do it.. there are several ways they do it..
--> This kind acts so dumb that frustrated members will take over their sloppily done work.
--> they will wait till a few mins before deadline before asking everyone to "help"
--> They do an invisible caveman(refer above) .. Mysteriously vanishing due to reasons like "headache", "sick", "eye pain", "need to go somewhere

- The Free Rider (Name appears under Cause of Death in your Death certificate) *Pei's contribution
these people are parasites.. they do minimal share of the work. and do not contribute. When they do, their sloppily handed in work makes your blood pressure shoot up. After members have given them feedback and much information on how to improve their work, they just hand in the same report.. just tt it includes the exact statements. Let me give you a scenario..
This girl was supposed to hand in her report by tuesday.. she showed her work to grp member A who realised that there was not much content. So they had an online meeting where other group members gave her more information and pointers to make it better. Grp member A also edited her report and added in information. He told her to amend it a bit and send it to Pei by 12 midnight.. she handed in the same report(sent by A) late by 1 hr.
Pei hopes that this girl rots in hell. Since i am already in hell, I look forward to seeing her.

-The Loanshark (The whole world owes them a living)
They can hand up work way after deadlines.. slowly stroll into meetings.. late. Do sloppy work which is evidently done at the last minute.. Why? Because the whole world is to wait on them.. they are kings of the world! Yeah right.

- The Nodding Leecher (Jumps off the cliff because someone did it) *pei's contribution
You would feel for her neck. She nods to anything anyone says..
I think we should include the advantages *nod*
Isn't it better not to include the advantages? *nod*
It would be good if we all jumped down a cliff since our project is due anyways! *nod*
and when you ask her why.. she goes "because the other grp member says so"
For example, pei's lovely friend (henceforth referred to as P's fren)
P's fren: i tink what she says is correct
Pei: Why
P's fren: coz what she said make sense.
wow. how intellectual.

-The Incredibles. (in school and not able to read)
singapore is place where 97% of the population is literate. the remaining 3% can be found in cinemas (do not switch off handphones) or public transport (eat and drink). some can be found in schools where they do not understand instructions. cant read time and date of deadlines. after instructions are clearly given on how and when to pass up.. On deadline day.. you do not see any report appearing

The Primary School Kid ( Needs a Digital Watch)
This is the most pitiful kind. Can't tell time and dates. So your deadline is never met by this kind. Sure, they do their share of work! just expect it many hours or even days after the set deadline

The Marthyr (So busy.. you wud be surprised if he had time to even breathe) *linked to the Primary School Kid
common statements falling from their mouths:"i stayed up till 7 am last night just to do..""i have to do this assignment and this assignment and then i have to do tt... die already""i have to rush here and there.. and then i must do this coz this other project very busy.. and then..."so they cant meet deadlines.. so while everyone has done their damned work, they still have to wait for the excused one.. which means they have to effectively cut short their other plans just for the excused one's part. and most excuses suck.. liar liar pants on fireYeah..you may be busy but so is everyone else.. we are in the same school .. doing almost the same stuff.. and like you.. we have social lives..so get over it.

The Bao Ke Liao One (No one can do as well as them) *alden's contribution
i would love to have this kind in my groups! they do everything because nothing anyone else does will be good enough for them..

Do you guys have any other categories i have missed out on?? Pray do tell!

I admit.. im guilty of being some.. but ever since this sem has started.. karma has came back.. and i'm hereby resolving to be a better group mate. sigh.. karma sure is a bitch.

*sulks* my life revolves around concrete now. and no one has an ounce of pity for me.
what the fuck is this report supposed to be about? as far as i can make out.. it's talkin about metal bars in concrete. exciting life isnt it?? more exciting than accountancy. *grins at cheeyen and pei*

i have discovered my ability to sing to my laptop again! my bao bei laptop is like a plant.. must sing to it! but it was way way embarrassing the other day.. I was at home (skipped school again.. what's new?) and my younger sister had piano lessons in the hall (where i was happily appreciating my laptop). It took me a while before i realised tt the piano teacher was givin me very strange looks. to my utter mortification, i was singing out aloud in front of the teacher! errks! i'm turnin red just to think of it. after that, i tried my hardest to not sing along.. but it took too much energy to try to shut my mouth up. (scroll down timmyboy.. u dun wan to read the next few lines) at tt time, i felt like irritating pink shirt guy in some ways.. keep quiet will fart .. hahahahahaha or else got nowhere for the air to go! by the way, pink shirt guy is really gettin on my nerves.

whats the opposite of insecticide? Pearlyn! hahahahaha! was trying to score some sympathy points from her by tellin her how a cockroach just ran up my leg.. and next thing you know, i discover how many creepy crawlies drop on pearlyn. ahem.. 1) lizard 2) caterpillar (who bit her.. mind you!) 3) chameleon lizard .. poor girl.. i wud be traumatised after all that.. i dunnoe why but i have this mental image of a caterpillar opening its mouth and there are reallie sharp teeth! and apparently, the bite is itchy and the poor girl cant scratch! sicko caterpillar.. i will Cruusssshhh it! this is not the kind of love bite anyone wants!

i hate number (1). still can remember how ting and i had a deal in pgp.. if i encounter any lizards, i wud call her for help while i deal with her cockroaches.. and the one time i encountered a lizard.. ting had moved to australia! so ran all the way to weileen's room to get him to help! and kana laughed at.. -_- " hahahah.. it's baby lizard.. u are so much bigger!" thanks a lot weileen. but lizards are opaque! and they have such creepy eyes and they can detach their tails! disgusting.. imagine us leavin our backsides behind everytime we got scared!

I just found out tt my mom's definition of 1000 years is 8 hours. Distinctly wrote on the whiteboard "i slept at 615 am. please wake me up only when my prince comes or in 1000 years, whichever comes first" and she just couldnt take the sight of me peacefully snoring away after noon. *grins* i realised my parents have several favourite phrases when kickin me out of bed.. christine and mal may recognise a few
1) adeline ah(lots of emphasis here)... wake up already lo. so late already..
2) (at 930am) Its going to be 10 already! still dun wan to wake up!
3) Don't you have to go to school? what do u mean you don't need to go school? i pay so much fees for what?
4) girl , you better be awake when i come back!
5) Adeline ah (again.. lots of emphasis) so late.. what were you doing last night?
6) aiyoh.. better to wake up early.. stay in bed will grow fat one you know..
7) WAH! why is this room so messy? *starts rifflin ard* (i have found out that this is the most effective way to make me shoot upright)
8) *loud sigh* why are you asleep in my bed?? i thot you woke up already!
9) You should have known not to sleep so late what! not healthy you know!
New! I think next time when u stay up, you better light candle already. Oct 1st, electricity charges increase noe!
note any common lines? heh.. i told this to my parents (of coz when they were in a good mood) and they were just rolling their eyes and givin my-daughter-the-idiot look. hahahahahha!

FYI, i promptly drowned that cockroach in insecticide.. *shrugs* u noe what they say.. insecticide doesn't really kill. so might as well really make use of that expensive liquid by really killing it through other means.

sigh.. still have 2 reports to due.. i feel so frustrated .. cud eat concrete.. so tt i wun have to deal with it. argh!

"tell me all your thoughts on God. Cause i'd really like to meet her." Counting Blue Cars -Dishwalla

to my dear friend, we made a decision and all we can do now is trust tt it was for the best.

there will be no turning back from this point.

we've changed. its our choices which help mould the people we have become.. someone once told me tt life is full of learning experiences. oh baby.. please don't push me away.. you can't punish yourself forever! letting go does not mean forgetting.



gone going. the worse kind of feelin is to do nothing but stand by the sidelines and know that whatever you do, it's not gonna help.

bored. this photo is to irk christine 

got the idea frm christine's blog 1) clement 2) karen 3) Edmund 4) moi 5) Raymund 6) Malcolm 7) Christine 8) Desmund 9) Sarah 10) Pauline 11) Penny 12) Samuel 13)Audrey 14) Angeline 15) Claire 16) Celine 17) ?? Shuai ku gambatte! 

from 2.. 

we became a family of eight plus one 

to an awesome family of 16 *one is missing* 

to the most kick ass family yet! 

you guys will always be.. the greatest love of my life.  

no. 3 was missing 

this is super freaky! apparently.. her tongue can move further in if it was to the right nostril!  

happy birthday kong kong!