oh fuck. my foot hurts
i tink tt im gg crazy here.. waiting to see whether majo wud come online.. but i need to pee! sighz! i went to the toilet.. but when i saw a cockroach, i quickly stumbled out of the toilet. In my haste i stepped on the door's metal part hence my aching foot.. so now, i have a full bladder, an aching foot and a million curse words going through my head.

im bored. according to jessica.. majo is still sleeping! &*(&%$. im givin him till 2 am.

ladeedum.. hanwei doesnt wanna talk to meeeeeee... one more hour. netiher does andy! jill is on the phone.. everyone else has gone to sleep!

okay.. there is jinyu! ... who is not replying.. bastard. oh ok! he replied.

this is crazy... im refreshin my email page every 10 seconds.. but i can't help it! It was totally my fault last thursday for not comin online. Hmmm.. perhaps i had better explain since i have nothing better to do anyways.. I arranged to meet majo online on his thursday night last week. But the guy emailed bac to say tt he is workin on thurs night and he may have difficulty findin someone to accompany him to the computer lab after work (coz work in 6 flags can be tiring.. can u imaging hauling ur ass to the library with an aching body?). So i sent him an email to say never mind. I forgot tt the next time he can see my mail would be on thurs night itself. So the poor boy actually left work early to come online to speak to me and i was not online! *tears hair out* stupid of me right? which explains why i am always sitting at the com in case he comes online.. If i were him, i wud be very angry with me! it would mean losing the chance of earning more $$ and the trouble of gg home to change out of uniform before gg to the library.. sighz.

jill has been givin me a few blogs to read.. and i realised something. Unlike most girls, nowadays, the stuff i wan are mainly intangible. kinda envy those girls.. wan shoes? earn the money and get them. satisfied. Intangibles are so much more difficult to get. In my case, they are out of my control. damnit. i have a feelin since america, i have curbed my impulse shoppin by a lot. thois will be put to the test tml when i go out with pei.. i love pei like mad! she just revealed tt she got me a top! ARRRGHHH! i hope i can wear it! so excited.. isn;t she sweet??

btw.. thanks for the matchbox 20 cd vern n wei leen!

sighz.. im signing off now to read a book while i wait..

okok.. this is gonna be the last thank you birthday update..
a quick one..
zuhairah, pearlyn, geetha, hui hon, dan and jianxiang : Thanks for remembering!
i would really like to thank you guys for lettin me have an enjoyable birthday..
Thanks to the nus pple.. i actually had a 20th birthday cake! a chocolate cake to beat! It really did come as a shock when vern came into the room to switch off the lights. i heard tt ben was the one transporting the cake on his bike. what a tedious task! thanks guys..
when my hp started vibrating at 12 am.. i kinda expected it.. but for the SGSS pple to suddenly sms me birthday wishes.. that nearly pushed me over the edge! I have not been in contact with them for 3 years! 3 long years..
because i had not enuff sleep for the past few days, i was tired so went home to sleep.. wakin up to the surprise of hui hon presenting me with a cheesecake! OMIGAWD1 my mom totally caught my look of amazement when hui hon came out.. for a moment, i seriously thought that hui hon was a figment of imagination! It took a few seconds for me to register.. and regain my voice! bwahahahah thanks load my dear.. i hope tt you were not late for work aft tt!
All in all.. im pretty content with the way my birthday passed.. A pretty nua quiet day with various pple remembering it. For you guys to remember my birthday.. it's enuff.. :)

On the other hand.. my birthday celebrations are not over yet! *grinz* am lookin forward to dinner with pei and mel tml.. and then! friday! my dear kaki is comin down frm malaysia! oh gosh, the america frens spent like the whole night discussin about where to go.. we are going phuture, then double o.. so anyone wann join just tell me kk?? you duan and irene are gg zouk tml. so ya.

i listened to the song "lonely" by akon by accident on my ipod just now.. well.. parts of it lahz before i switched the track.. anyways.. as i listened to it.. i had flashbacks of you noe.. the time when i first listened to it. At tt time, i was.. i regret to say, a pampered spoilt brat. I thought tt i was the marthyr in the relationship.. so ya.. was wishing tt the other party wud listen to the song and wake up.. little did i noe tt i was the one who shud have woken up to the fact tt i was being idiotic. I dun wan to live life with any regrets.. relax. this is not a post to whine and wallow in self pity or anything.. i just wan to tell frens who have bfs.. i noe girls like to rock the boat many times.. because they feel tt their bfs dun appreciate them enuff or tt their bfs have changed since courtship. but.. ya.. dun overdo it.. sometimes, we have to stop and think whether doing all tt wud pull him closer to you? or push him away. i learnt a lesson and i dun wan any frens having to learn it the same way i did. As in.. try to appreciate ur bf more and accept the fact tt guys wud change aft courtship.. tt doesnt mean tt their love has changed, you get what i mean?

the postcards i collected from my trip 

update!
Yujen: heh.. you actually sent the sms twice! does tt mean that i get double birthday blessings??
Cheeyen: Khaki!!!!!!! thanks for messagin all the way from malaysia! we are so gonna PAR-DE-YE on friday! Thanks in advance for coming down all the way frm Malaysia to spend time with us!
Hanwei: You didn't forget! Yay!
Jinyu: Thanks for the birthday wishes and letting me hang out in ur room!

am hereby promoting this blog!
www.yourguysxxxposed.blogspot.com
check this blog out! i laugh until my tummy ache! Basically, my friends have decided to expose those sex predators in Mirc(who the hell uses Mirc nowadays??) .. watch how the conversation goes! its real funny!

oh gosh!
that's all i can really say.. a BIG THANK YOU! to everyone! you guys really came near to making me cry.. That's how happy i am right now!
These few days.. well.. have been feelin reallie low and all. but now feel really loved..
Kudos to
Jillian : for clubbing with me on sat night.. thanks sweetie.. those 45 mins of R&B/Hip-Hop were reallie good! hee hee! Thanks for sticking around for the rest of the time...I just know that you were grimacing.. Really look forward to more clubbing outings! love you to bits!

Weileen: for rushing down to momo after his union ball just coz i asked him to come! Poor boy had to pay the entrance fee.. I'm really sorry that i didn't spend much time with him.. sorry.. We will hang out again soon kk?? Thanks for the cake and song surprise too!

Vern: Girl.. really appreciate how ben, shirley and you came down to momo even though you guys preferred the choice of double o! thanks so much for sharing your drinks with me! Thanks for the cake and song surprise too! i love you guys so much!

Ah Lai: thanks for surprising me! For coming to momo .. and the cake and song surprise!

Andy: Thanks for the cake and song surprise! And for recommending momo.. pity they had to alternate the mix of songs... but ya.. thanks for coming down anyways..

Jianxiang: Thanks for actually making the effort to come down to momo when i asked you to. I'm sorry that i didnt even get to properly talk to you... We will club again okok??

Ming Pei: hee.. you were the first one to sms me happy birthday! thanks so much for the thought! I can't wait for wednesday! Love you!

Mel: Same goes.. Thanks for the thought.. when we meet up on wednesday, i wanna hear all about your weird friends!

Ting: Thanks for thinking of me even when you are in australia.. i miss you like crazy! COME BACK! australia sucks! bwahahahhahaha! love love love love! Serangoon Gardens chicken rice is not the same without you! COME BACK!

Special thanks to Hui Hon, Irene, Delfy & Cindy
Oh girls.. because of you, i nearly cried .. Never in my wildest dreams would i expect you guys to remember my birthday.. much less wish me happy birthday.. it has been at least 3 years since we were together.. and i really do miss you guys.. We really do have to meet one day! Thanks so much for takin the time off to wish me happy birthday.. i love you guys .. always.. You can take us out of Serangoon Gardens Sec Sch but part of it will always be in our hearts!

Thanks to my Construction technology proj members(Ah keat, Adeline, Du wei, Guo An, Xie he, Ah lai, Andy) for letting the cake and song surprise take place even though we were rushing a project!

pei and i had a mission.. to finish all these food by ourselves! notice the extra chilli on all these delicious dishes? 

we failed the mission! 

finally! after 3 months.. my fingernails get colour! 

home again... playin with jie's phone 

im so pissed now...
can feel a vein poppin in my head! i cannot cannot CANNOT believe that he actually did that! *steams* ASS-HOLE! little swine actually thinks im hurt! oh gosh. im IRRITATED! what even makes him think tt he is capable of hurting me. fucker.. oh gosh. im gonna curse and swear in this blog post.. im so sorry.. but here is to tt special someone.

if you want, look down on me all you want.. i dun give a dipshit about what you think, you narrow minded anal pig headed ass. Go ahead.. talk crap to me.. tell me how DISAPPOINTED you are in me. who the fuck are you to me? Go ahead.. tell me how i need to be forgiven by you.
Tell me how i have changed. Go ahead tell me about the Asian moral values which somehow include "not being close to anyone who is not asian" "all non-asians are bad" (reminds you of animal farm huh? 4 legs good.. 2 legs bad.. here is.. yellow skin good.. anything else baddddd")
Go ahead.. compare me to your fucking stripper. Go ahead, say that i am a disgrace to Asian people just cause i chose to tend to the accomodation needs of the slovakians. They had no place to sleep! i invited them to the party so of course i had to find a room for them to sleep! is that wrong? Asking them to cycle all the way back to their apartment at 4 am in the morning is dangerous!

Go ahead, tell me that how sincere you are in keeping this friendship. And then go tell everyone how bad my studies are. Yes. My grades suck. I admit it. I am ashamed of them. so what if you are on the dean's list? i'm gonna make good. I'm gonna pull my socks up. Unlike you, i have good friends.. who accept my flaws and all.. who.. unlike you.. are fun to be with! i love them.. and they, me. so fuck off. you suck.

How dare you?? how dare you even think you are superior to me?? Stop! asking me why i'm so cold towards you. Stop! asking me why we dun ever meet up. Stop! asking me whether i am irritated with you! STOP IT ALL! how dare you say all tt stuff and expect pple not to be irritated? how dare you think one word "sorry "can make everything fine and dandy again? you crossed the fuckin tolerance limit. Stop saying that you rather kana bang by car blah blah blah.. have misfortunates come upon you..than to lose a friend. *rolls eyes* please.. im the drama queen here. not you. Guys say things that they dun mean. that's all very poetic and all.. but hmmm i seemed to have heard it from some channel 8 drama serial so seriously, spare me. If you actually wanted to keep this fren, well you shud have listened to her when she hinted for you to stop it. NooooooOOOOO.. let your fucking mouth work faster than your brain. Be tactless. Be stupid. Be irritating. Start shooting your mouth off and then act all puppy marthyr when pple start to ignore you as they would to a pesky telemarketer. how can anyone be this dense?

what gets me is that this guy actually tinks im hurt by his actions! *SCREAMS* i am irritated! would you get hurt by a child throwing tantrams in a supermarket? no. you get irritated, ignore the child and move on. Would you get hurt by a persistent vendor/telemarketer/salesman?
would you get hurt by a bloody cockadoo who sprouts nonsense.. wasting away those precious moments of your life by filling your ears with crap? No! you get irritated! that is what irritated means! I-R-R-T-A-T-ED: to rouse to impatience to anger. which part of that does he not get? he sucks. anyways! i told him to fuck it lahz... Go me!

to sum it up...
i seriously cannot believe the nerve of this guy to irritate the heck out of me and then have the ego to think his remarks were hurting. no. his remarks are like mosquito bites.. harmless but irritating.. what wud hurt is a fuckin bee sting. which he can never be.


on a lighter note... i finally saw christine and malcolm today! love love LOVE! gosh. missed them so much! (of coz i didnt miss malcolm as soon as he reached down to hug me and patted my tummy to promptly tell me tt i grew fatter. -_-) we didnt get much time to go thru my 3000 photos.. coz christine was too busy droolin over the ones i took of (supposed) hunks. According to christine, stano is "OMIGAWDDD! so hooooottt! he's cuttttee!" (bet cheeyen is smiling to herseld right now..) majo is "eh.. adel.. he's actually quite cute lahz horz? eh Adeeeellllllll.. I HATE YOU." ya.. had to wipe her drool off my dear laptop. Malcolm was more exicted about my NBA picutres.. which i took much glee in showing off to him.. Then.. of coz the sadistic streak in me showed him the pictures i took of the New York's NBA store. BWAHAHAHHAHAA!

pearlyn just sent me a photo of majo and me at the very party where i got drunk at. am totally embarrassed by it. My face is like a little lobster and i can see double chin! *shrieks!* majo.. as always.. looks good.. with a little know-it-all/ aint-she-drunk-while-im-not smile on his face.. or should i say smirk?? bah! so my day is immediately cheered up by laughing at my own photo. (can you say narcisstic?) It's funny! i reallie look bad when im drunk.. (mental note to oneself: never get drunk again) it is my MSN pic when i sign in on my house com.. take a look at it and laugh with me k?

random thoughts:
am so in love with christine's bag.
i'm fuckin sorry.
am such a hypocrite some times.
abercrombie's perfume rocks!

why can't they understand the way we feel? they just don't trust what they can't explain. I know that we are different but deep inside us, we're not tt different at all.
what my mind cannot understand, my heart will.
the players play then the players get played.

we stepped out of our lives when everything was going alright. came back as changed people. and now we find it difficult to fit into the place we once were comfortable in.
it's difficult to be strong when you feel so alone. when all your friends have their own lives to lead, you don't exactly wan to burden them with your sobs and whines, so you spend each day as a emotionless robot. You can't cry, you can't whine, you smile, you go on.. you have to coz it's your own damn fault.

ting is right. living life is easy with your eyes closed. but is it necessarily happier?

majo and me.. arrghh dun reallie like this photo coz of my uneven tanline! just for you neela! 

i'm feeling rather amused.. if you look at the MSN nick of anyone frm nus now, you would laugh together with me... here are a few examples...
"Fuck you Cors"
"World class.. my ass"
"truly disappointed with CORS"
" Are you sure we are a world class university?"
"Tell me world class institute? how did cors screw up so badly?"

heh! in case you couldn't guess.. we have to use this website called CORS to bid for our tutorial slots today.. It is based on first come first served.. i have been trying to get in since 9 am this morning and nobody i know can get in! And this comes after the news that we are supposed to be a world class university... *snorts* seriously! everyone i know can't get in! exactly who is in CORS right now?? Well, those people who have done their tutorial biddings should keep their mouths shut cause everyone would take parang and kill them!

sighzz.. i feel much better after whining in my last post... i was reallie down on monday lahz.. felt friendless and unloved and stupid and well.. regretful and u noe the usual.. the kind tt makes you wan to dive under your covers and never come out..
then in the morning.. my stupid body clock was so screwed up, i woke up at 5 am again... In the end, i went to check my mail... Just after i finished typin an email to Jozef... the most AMAZING thing happened! I had new mail from Majo! Which meant tt he was online! So, i had the nicest morning chattin with him through email! He said the sweetest stuff ever.. What a fantastic way to cheer up one's day!

on tues, i gave myself a day off and went over to jill's hse to chill and then off to get myself reacquainted with bugis. Had a huge choc sundae! Pei, thanks for recommending swensen's!

And for the first time, i felt loved in NUS.. bwaahahah finally got to meet up with geetha! And it was almost like in the old days... where everyone would sit in 2 rows during lectures.. sighz... yeahzz.. i enjoyed lecture today.. have a feelin i am gonna enjoy Professional communication! Coz that wud be the only time i get to see geetha and the rest!

i just uploaded some photos of my New york trip.. just a preview.. sorry about the long waiting period... just for wenting! and the photos for neela and pei!

our trademark pose 

we missed our train stop1 

we figured with lady liberty lookin so serious.. we had to lighten up the mood! 

New York City! 

poor jinyu .. had to drink more than 11 cups of beer .. why?? where was i?? 

winning at Beer Pong! 

behind the wall street bull! hee.. 

New York Public Stock Exchange 

kissing mickey.. 

forget the casino! Singapore should have this instead! Eat your heart out, yujen! 

the walls have ears... in New York's public library 

@ niagara falls 

heh.. my 603 family.. from left to right.. richard, me, hanwei, cheeyen, yujen,ian and jinyu 

just droppin a post..
feel damn fuckin lonely here..
i mean i have gotten so used to going around 6 flags.. saying hi to everyone... now here in nus... im a jumble of nerves... know nobody at all... and the sad part?? i dun wan to know them!
for the first time since i came home.. i was forced to be left alone this afternoon.. and.. after constantly being forced into people's company for the last few months.. i reallie felt at loss while twiddling my thumbs.
singapore has changed.. funny isnt it?? how you expect time to stop back in your home country while you continue life elsewhere. Now, i discover that serangoon gardens has a watsons! gosh!
and the transport fee!!!!! i just forked out $15 for some stupid ex-link card! yikes!
sighz.. just whining here.. im glad to be home.. but.. in some ways.. i do miss 6 flags.. it's difficult isnt it?? to leave. im glad i met up with pei and jill... have photos opf the mission pei and i had.. coz this aint my laptop shall post it up laters... and got to spend time with my family.. but in some other sense.. half my heart is in houston. There, i had many frens. here in nus.. i really have nobody. aint tt fucked up?

im coming home.
its so weird.. for the last 2 weeks, i have been missing home like nobody's business.. thenn now.. in taiwan..just hours away from the flight.. im experiencing inner inertia all over again..
i miss the people in singapore.. but not the lifestyle.. here, we are hakuna matata.. how can i survive when i return to the fast paced lifestyle?? and my life is gonna be very empty when i return.. how can i gather the courage to continue?

so near yet so far away.. i noe tt wud be the case.. and its gonna drive me nuts!

but it's true..
i had my share of joy and sorrow here..
it's time to go home.
i'm coming home.

im kinda stunned at this moment.. just received reallie bad news. in a way... im glad tt im no longer back at six flags.. yet im just longing to go back just one more time to find lionel. i can't believe that of all people, it had to happen to such a sweet guy like him. It must have been totally a horrifying experience! my heart aches for him. This kind of stuff shouldnt happen to anyone.. much less lionel!
outrage.. shock.. helplessness... such a churn of emotions. if tt guy had a car... why on earth did he need more cash??? oh manzz...

what wud i give just to get back to houston to be able to just be there for them right now? anything.

oh lionel.. i do hope u are alright.. pls reply my mail! i need to noe how u are doing right now!

I believe in the supreme worth of the individual and in his right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty.

I believe that the law was made for man and not man for the law; that government is the servant of the people and not their master.

I believe in the dignity of labor, whether with head or hand; that the world owes no man a living but that it owes every man an opportunity to make a living.

I believe that thrift is essential to well ordered living and that economy is a prime requisite of a sound financial structure, whether in government, business or personal affairs.

I believe that truth and justice are fundamental to an enduring social order.

I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man's word should be as good as his bond; that character - not wealth or power or position - is of supreme worth.

I believe that the rendering of useful service is the common duty of mankind and that only in the purifying fire of sacrifice is the dross of selfishness consumed and the greatness of the human soul set free.

I believe in an all-wise and all-loving God, named by whatever name, and that the individual's highest fulfillment, greatest happiness, and widest usefulness are to be found in living in harmony with His will.

I believe that love is the greatest thing in the world; that it alone can overcome hate; that right can and will triumph over might.

- John D..Rockefeller, Jr-

i believe.

random thoughts
the worst thing one can feel is crushed hope.

i hate tours. tt was a huge mistake on my part.

as departure frm usa looms... mistake and problems piled up in spore seem much more impossible to overcome. inertia.

nyc is fantastic!

i didnt get my accomodation. sucks.big.time. feelin utterly demoralised now.