please please me. tell me why people ask for answers when all they want are lies. please tell me why i cant handle the truth...
if reality is wat we make of it... then why do i not want to face it? im only 19. yesh for all the times i said tt i dun believe in relationships... i have always felt that love exists... just that it doesnt work for some people.. and im one of them! im only 19. i dun wan to grow up so fast.. i dun want to know that there is no love.. that all my ideas are just idealistic romantic notions.. that no one reallie cares. that the world is just plain cruel. i dun wan to know that friends are just acquaintences are who are there to make use of you. i dun. seriously.
cannot take this anymore. just wanna run. run as fast as i can.
this is one stupid life.
i hate french passe compose.

my com has a freakin virussss. *curses and swears* ahhh welllss...
pretty happy coz nus has been having loads of bazaar and i got a michael connelly book for only $5!! city of bones.. pretty depressing though and in my opinion he got distracted halfway.. anyways.. its original price valus is $15.. BWAHAHAHAHHAHA feel so good now...
actually spotted some reallie funky indian bracelets.. was tinkin shud i buy for christine but stupid girl wouldnt pick up the phone... so decided not to risk buyin then christine tellin me tt they are not the ones she wan.. (of coz much later.... she spent 5 full mins whinin tt she act wanted those)
so sorry jill bout not being able to go zouk tonite.. damnit. wait till next month when i got money kk?? oh tokin bout jill she read to me one ab wonderful quote which i tink shall use!! in a jestin mood of coz.. "my boyfriend and i have a lot in common.. he loves me.. and i love me" heh...at
hmmm yest afternoon was pretty freaky coz in every lesson i attended.. had this grippin fear tt i wud not be able to do well for any module.. scary..
the sde bazaar was.. (im so sorry to any swc member) a complete waste of my time. seriously. i spent 5 hours doin nothing productive at all. the stalls were located on two floors and wat i did was.. spent some time on the first floor and feel sian.. so climb up e stairs to the 2nd floor.. feel sian.. and then go down to first floor... the repeat the whole cycle over and over again.. like wtf. and i just learned tt we got to do duty for valentine day... arrrghhh... i mean sure i dun mind spendin v day doin ab nuts... but NOT at a swc booth. no dearies.. i wud much rather be hangin out wif u guys bitchin bout all the couples walkin ard... no offense but swc members aint exactly buddies tt one can bitch to! like wat are they gonna do for v day?? sell flowers?? NOOOooooooo..
chocs? NOOOOOooooooo........ i shall sum it up with a wenqing. CCCRRAAAAaaaaaZZZy
ooohh talkin bout couples.. congrats to vern and ben! though i still admit it was a bit of a shock to turn ard frm sex and the city to find vern comfortably snuggled in ben's arms! threw me off there a bit... till i lost my train of thought and quickly turned to ah lai!! bwahahahaha... congrats girl!
finally got my nus files!!1 wheeeee... now to change wishlist.. there's this book at kino tt is ab fantastic.. it is a reallie reallie beautiful book bout architecture... there are loads of photos featurin different hotels ard the world with amazin architecture!1 what a totally cool book!!
pity its so ex manzzzz....
shuai ku is bringin his new girlfren to dinner tml.. pretty excited bout meetin her.. hope she's nice!! he is a reallie nice and awesome guy and deserves a reallie nice girl! cross ur fingers!

How to spend a night out in town with only $2
be late for meeting ya girlfriend... discuss how hungry and thirsty you are.. proceed to whine about how broke you are. make a quick decision to withdraw from the atm. proceed as usual.
Heh.. that was how it was last night.. am beginnin to think tt i have a rather weak resolution .. i knoe some of you wud be rollin ya eyes and sayin "we knew tt a longg time ago" ...
hmmmm.. finally managed to spend some time with dear jill last night... love you girl.. had loads of laughter as she told me about errrr... whaizzname..forgot liaoz.. anyway dis person who is reallie amusing. did we use to do tt when we were young? ok i cant resist tellin you guys about it.. you see.. to us its alreadi wrong to interfere in our friend's life coz come on.. our friends shud have enough intelligence intellect and courage to lead their own lives and their own problems. so it becomes pretty amusin when you hear bout someone tryin to act all big and important in someone else's life. esp when the someone else is like your auntie's neighbour's dog's brother's owner's son. like.. wtf???! can imagine my face now rite?? bwahahahahaha! ponders.. in a way im glad that all of us are older. in a sense we can see stuff from a different perspective.. ok mayeb not as mature as i like to be.. for everyone knows im a 10 year old kid stuck in a 19 year old body! but even i say pffft to this supposed "all out war in the name of ah kow's peng you's ah bu!"..sorry horz.. if you guys wan me to "protect you" by errr... slinging mean stuff to other people...and doin so anoymously.. when im not even remotely involved... i will personally slap you till you come to your senses.hmmm why write such mean stuff on other people's blog? hey.. dun try to o be proud of it. its not. its something to be very ashamed of. its not bitchy. its not nice. its not even stupid. its way way lower than stupidity. its called being spiteful. why get blinded by such stuff.. hmm i tink this girl.. whazziname.. shud take up a healthy hobby to fill up her life. pity.. she shud use her passion for something worthwhile like caring bout the poor or politics.. oh ya her name starts with M. merini. meradith. err merani. sounds like Meh ra ni. melani? too lazy to change my content so fill in the whazziname blanks with any one of these M names.
there is a very clear line between bitchy and spiteful. even if you tink this is help in your fren, pls be brave and tell it to the person's face. dun do it anoymously.
im not helpin you. people will laugh at not only you then.. they will also laugh at me! learn to deal with it yourself. i can support you by listening and lettin you make your own decisions.

maybe we used to do tt and think we were standin up for our frens.. now.. we know how ridiculous we must have looked to others. and how we are so not helpin our frens.. just embarrassin them more.. still i tink its pretty amusin. kids nowadays.. so funny! thank goodness christine and malcolm are pretty cool if not my impression of 16 year olds will be tt they are a permanent source of entertainment. ah wells.. but who cares bout my opinion... just sharin a funny story with you guys.
had a sex and the city marathon last night.. heh.. they reallie look pretty bad in the first season huh?? miranda esp.. the stylist must have hated cynthia nixon! and then i learn bout ah lai's casonova ways.. way to go son! heh heh heh... lookin forward to another round of sex and the city tonight! bring out the junk food, chop the tv room, get everyone to come and bring some tissue for ah lai's nosebleed! the show must go on!
hmmmm haf you ever haf this sudden fear... when you suddenly stop and tink.. "oh wow.. its reallie lucky i did this this this so tt i can get to know this friend"?? and you tink how horrible and incredibly dull your life will without people you noe. and suddenly this fear tt you would lose everyone creeps in.. for example...
if i hadnt been born into the Ng side... i wouldnt get to noe christine, mal, jie and the all the cousins!
im so freakin lucky tt my parents bought a hse near church so tt i can get to meet crystal, jillian, selina, flora, bertram and all..
wat wud haf happened if i had not chosen nyjc? wudnt get to noe ab wonderful people like 02a2b (1st )neela, pei, ting, mel, zu who share the same views as me on mostly everything! reallie...
lucky i knew neela from first 3 months. lucky we all sat at the same table durin the first day..wud my jc life have been with as much fun and laughter without them? and plus all the serious problems and stress wud weigh even heavier! i dread to tink about tt.
and how bout if i had gotten my way and gone to monash? i wouldnt noe everyone here! and wat an ab pity! lucky i knew geetha thru neela and rashmi.. lucky i walked in the same time as geetha on matric day. lucky vern sat next to us. lucky i got to know ben and shirley thru vern. lucky i got to know gabriel in the laundry room.. lucky gabriel introduced wei leen to us.. lucky ben introduced ah lai(!) to us. luckily, ah lai knew andy from AR grp. luckily, the guys all hang out in the same grp.. luckily, geetha got to know ramesh, siti and fabian. ah sighzzzzzz... love all u guys! i wun put all my "luckily"s here.. so pls forgive me if your name is not mentioned!
yeah.. something like tt.. i dunnoe.. just reallie grateful for all the people in my life.

the sun is perfect for tannin now! damn.

im nt lookin forward to doin the stupid finance project. why did they have to allocate the fuckin slots to us!! fuck. stupid queen fag.

ladeedum...
i seriously tink my econs lecturer makes it a point to suck lemons everyday.. his face is like so contorted into a look of hate.. and he officially HATES us... his attitude sucks big time lahz... i noe the students (note how quick i am to disassociate myself with the students in this case) were pretty noisy at times.. but u got to be reasonable.. u cant expect the freakin lecture to be entirely quiet all the time!! and it so does not help when he is as interestin as watchin my toenails grow lahz... he speaks in a monotonous tone which incredibly manages to convey to u how much he hates being there. gee whiz
but then again i must say we singaporean students are pretty rude.. we tend to make a lot of noise durin lectures.. reallie pity the poor finance teacher.. his lecture ended only 1/2 an hour aft he started... so sad rite?? and one more thing i notice is tt during french lessons.. pple tend to walk in without greetin the t4eacher.. can understand coz in other lectures we have been trained to not greet the teacher so as not to disturb the class.. but french lectures are reallie small classes so you can always see the look of surprise on the teacher's face when the person just walks in and sit down without greetin them..
i need a choc fix oh so badly
sighzzz

okok.. finally got my timetable... im free on wednesdays!1! from 12 onwards! so come "chop" me heh!.. like anyone wud be rushin to cum and chio me go out.. bwahahahaha... i wud be free on tues if not for tt doggone law lecture from 7 pm to 9 pm!!! hopefully the petition for it to be webcast can go thru.. the hey ho! tues is free too!
anyway... love my blogskin?? im totally head over heels in love wif it!
and dun worry.. wil be updatin my blog on a more regular basis now.. coz im sooooooOOO LooOOOOnnneellieee in me small dingy room... *beams* hee.. being the d rama queen as usual..
wud like to give a shout out to sangeetha for totally makin my day tt time even though i so did not apppreciate the part about how i look after andy "shuans" me. heh.. and she said the most touchin thing ever! coz i asked her whether she got the law notes.. AND she said if have.. she wud print for me!!1 isnt she such a dear??
another shout out to ben, ah lai and andy... when i went into the LT on mon nite... was just being quiet for a while and they notice my mood immediately.. like wooooaaahh.. felt reallie touched by them.. hey! we are family.. just love tt line! hee
so far my timetable has not much to complain about coz im on campus... so if complain sure kana whacked by geetha, charmaine, yiqi and many more!
sighz.. dreadin tml.. coz tml is french!!! yikeez! nowadasy french lesson consists of me sittin petrified in my chair.. just still so tt she wun call me for the mroe difficult ones... haiz.. hence why my music is now french dialogues.. arrrghh
oh no.. i am very sad now. vern has just given me the link to see the cf choices for "beau for SDE"..if M4 M5 M6 can go in... if any of them wins.. i will be very depressed.. it was bad enuff when NY king turned out to be ( i say this with great respect and admiration) a big fat slob who couldnt dance for nuts and makes u wan to kick his balls... and now sde... oh nozzzzz... NO! we must do somethign bout it.. on dinner and dance day... vern and i shall carry picket posters with "WE WAN AH LAI." oh no.. im being very bitchy.. just bitchin to vern bout the belles.. okok.. it doesnt matter tt F3 looks like a travestite.. or tt they all look the SAME.. same category.. and tt f4's pic look like funeral pic.. nopez! folks.. wat matters is.. WAT REALLY MATTERS is hthat... they act agreed to be part of this!!! give them a round of applause folks.. though i do admit i wud haf gladly voted for the one whu put their baby pic.. tt wud be ab hilarious!
okok enuff crap.. gonna sleep now... see ya!

2nd day of school...
sighzzzz.. on one hand im pretty happy to be reunited wif everyone.. and to regain my room /freedom back... on the other hand... its.. school. but i guess i cant complain since im pretty lucky to have 2 wonderful worlds to go back to! lessons have just been briefings so far so its pretty okay just not used to the schedule yet. mind you, i say this with the greatest admiration and respect, but i tink my Buidlin science teacher looks a bit like a clown.. u noe.. those kind of pple who cant stop smilin.. even when they are not smilin... they are smiling! get wat i mean?
anyways.. upon returnin back.. u can expect to see more blog posts and more appearances on MSN by good ol me! my home com is pa-ria lahz..
been devourin several books. and reallie recommend 5 people you meet in heaven! geetha is still readin my copy and heh... she found the answers to her MSN nick! now i keep on wonderin bout the 5 people i will meet.. (provided i get past tt tiny itsy issue of u noe... going to the 8th level of hell) .. i just noe when i meet each one of them.. i will be ashamed. but yeah i agree wif tt idea tt heaven is not just a place where we play harps or we float around aimlessly.. coz a purpose is wats keep us going.. having a peace of mind and understandin wat our lives were on earth is wat everyone needs to be happy. so i shall resolve to put down 5 things tt i feel happy bout each week.
u noe.. of all the words in the dictionery.. i feel that the most beautiful word is "tenderness". love the ad .. touch emotions. touch rhythm and blah blah blah... coz a tender touch is raher like a droplet of water on a dry and cracked skin.. u love the sensation and crave more.. but for now.. its enough. even if u dun get more.. it is something u can relive in ur memory when u are unhappy. its like this one line in CSI. "it took a group of people to kill him.. but it would have taken only one person to save him". you can save someone just by touchin them..but then tenderness is not just bout physical touch... a tender look is so much more. i saw this mother and her baby on the mrt lahz. granted i do not socialise with kids, but this baby was reallie quiet and sweet.. just lookin up to her mother wif all the adoration a small being can possess... it kinda made me stop and wonder hey.. when and how did i morph from a innocent and blissful baby to this cynical manipulative selfish little bitch i am now?? hmmm im startin to sound preachy and stupid... been doing a lot of thinkin lahz. like now.. when they ask for aid for tsunami victims.. when the govts asked pple to give money donations instead of clothes and all.. first thot on my mind was "huh. so u can eat my money rite?" im not sayin tt all the govts are corrupt and all.. yeah money has a greated liquidity than clothes and all.. but in everty system.. there will always be several idiots who try to benefit from other's misfortunes. so i wud rather give old clothes knowin tt there is a higher chance for my intended recipents to receive it rather than it going into some greedy fat ghonna-burn-in-hell bastard's pocket. we were just discussin how we no longer watch NKF and other charity shows.. coz of the lack of transparency. tt is a reality of life i guess.
friends are part and parcel of life.. some were meant to go some were meant to stay. the more essential questions is.. are u so busy longingly lookin at the ones who walked away while neglectin e ones who are still by your side? you dun miss your water till the well runs dry. if u do not care bout the ones who are still by ur side..well..
suddenly realised tt i dun haf many frens in nus lahz.. like yest i was like an aimless ghost lahz..
am tired and cranky i guess.. well gtg..

i killed santa. stupid useless bugger gave me coal.
its beeen a looong time! nuttin much to update at the moment.. or at least cant tink of any.. been slackin ard basically just enjoyin myself lahz... i love love my presents! haf a sneakin feelin tt my hostel room is gonna be cluttered with loads of useless yet oh-so-cute-therefore-necessary stuff.. cant wait to show off my cushion clock! and i just noe i will throw malcolm's dancing flower out of the window one day durin a foul mood!
but of coz rite now.. i feel like well just hittin my head against the wall.. when sch starts.. i have 2 says when i will end at 9 pm! yesh! scream wif me... 9?? its official. nus staff just wanna kill us. a slow.painful. death. and i haf a 4 hrs long lecture worth of econs... and no one is takin the same time slot as meeeeeeeeee! well okay.. andy is.. but then again.. we all noe andy's attendance record dun we? i will be alllooooonnnee! my backside will be flat! FLAT-tened!