yellow roses. blue coffin. jie can make the speech. make it simple. my funeral pic shall be my baby photo coz that is e only time i looked fuckin good.

to love or be loved? u can never haf it both ways. it hurts inside to noe that we cud haf tried."he is everythin u wan /everything inside u tt u wish u cud be/ he says all e rite things at exactly e rite time/ but he means nothing to u. and u dun noe why." vertical horizon's everything. recently came bac into my life again.

bon jovi's livin on a prayer.. "we've got to hold on to wat we've got./it doesnt make a difference if we make it a not/we got each other and thats a lot for love/we'll give it a shot! oooh halfway there../oooh livin on a prayer/ take my hand and we'll make it i swear/oooh livin on a prayer. "

this is it. this is how death feels like. numb. yet scared. u walk alone. alive wif emotions yet dead. hopeless without soul. life drains. we work so hard to die.
i anticipate and dread the end.

Birthday shoutouts: Happy belated birthday ting! sorry. didnt noe tt u got cake overdose... ur present has to come later coz of the bloody exams kk?? read ur blog.. and aiyah.. as long as u truly enjoy ur last teen year can liaoz! u got 365 days to enjoy! wait. 364.

Happy (early) birthday jill!! dun tink im gonna post any more so shall wish u first. hope u haf a great time clubbing! we shall have another clelebration k? read ur blog and pls dun make me cry! yesh my tan is fadin fast! 26th nov tannin?? and we SIMPLY HAVE to check out the new ice cream... go video ezy.. coffee bean... go out... i haf yet to meet ryann! act same goes... u gotta wait for present..
from now on.. no more posts .. gotta disappear awhile. but aft tt.. my posts will all haf titles... so here is e first one.

Sorry seems to be my middle name
itz kinda bad luck to have me as ur fren. have been pissin many pple off on a regular basis. am not proud of myself now. the thing is.. my archi proj had to be handed in by 4 pm yest. but coz i stayed up the whole nite to do e report..fell asleep.. i wsant supposed to fall asleep! had alreadi gotten ready to go print out the report and drawings when i made the biggest mistake.sat on my bed a while and the next thingi noe woke up at 5.30 pm (fell asleep ard 2). had a major freak out. coz the proj is 30% of my grade! and i was supposed to meet pei at 6!!!
so im kinda thankful tt i got to noe andy. coz poor guy had to drive me all over.. serious. coz the sch printer was closed. so it was to clementi.. ah lai's room and bac to clementi and then bac to nus. sick rite?? and i had to format the drawin to A4 first. tt kinda killed me. handed in proj 4 hrs late. fuck. so now the head professor noes how i look like. shit. and tt is not a good way to make an impression.. am such a fuckwit.
apologies
sorry pei. if i were u, wud be fumin mad now. cannot make any excuses. sorry.
sorry vern. didnt go central library in the end. sorry for not doing enuff work for the SWC exam tea too. make u sai kang more... am act worse than yiru.
sorry qun. didn call u. by the time i can call u.. it is like 3??
sorry geetha. arranged to print out together in the end never turn up. my hp was on vibrator and on the table lahz. so all u guys' calls for naught.
there are so many more like ah lai(for helpin me print out the A4 drawing) and andy(for fetchin me everywhere.. wasting his petrol, time, effort.. for makin him figure out how to reformat the A3 drawin to A4) and noelle(for not turning up!!).

am such a fuckwit. lettin so many pple down.

excerpt from Douglas Adams's "The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy"
"Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has - or rather had- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of it were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole, it wasnt the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches."
just thot wud share this funny bit wif u.. rather nice book though terrible ending.

hmmm... i, adel. officially take bac everything i hav ever said bout guys bein horrid.. we shud never let a few bad apples spoil the market... must loook hard then can find these nice guys!
yesh why am i tokin bout guys rite before exams? coz a couple of guys have been extremely nice and reallie must give credit!
like take ah lai! one of the nicest sweetest guys ever! and the most sensitive and caring guy one can ever find... always makin sure other pple are okay and all..
then there is ben! whu always asks bout ur day (even though he noes he will be in for a very long whiney complain session!) and just last nite.. he asked the question tt made my whole impression of guys change! he asked ..." do u need me to walk u bac to ur room?" coz we were in vern's tv room and i decided to go bac sleep instead of watchin exorcist again. tt was the sweetest thing ever~! and he helps carries vern's and shirley's bags! and always gives shirley a lift home! so nice rite?
and when i just declined .. just walk bac alone.. de chang act caught up wif me to walk me bac to my room coz "it is very dangerous at this hour (5.00am)" wow! couldnt stop my jaw frm droppin! or hide my surprise.. and to de chang, it was like nothing lorz!
and when we were watchin vcds in my room, andy went out for a short break (i thot it was just a cigeratte break).. next thing i know, andy comes bac wif a packet of food and drink for me! gee whiz! he act went all the way to feng seng, remembered that i wanted nasi goreng (ok i tried describin it coz i didnt noe the name.. so he kinda made a fool out of himself tryin to describe it in the exact same terms i used 'red rice red rice"), remember the tt i drink crysthaneum tea (coz the nite before i asked him buy a can for me) and bothered to do it! like.. i cant describe the feelin lorz!
and! when i was feeelin particularly down and depressed.. almost gg crazy.. wei leen act let me stay in his room to roll ard in depression on his bean bag.. and whine my guts out finally collapsin in a fit of exhaustion. and ah lai is still very concerned that i dun smile! sighzzz... so there u go... a post provin tt nice guys exist!ya wan i can intro them!
love my blog pic!

i make no apologies. a moment of self pityin always makes myself feel better!
okok.. rite now im totally torn.. EGAD! WHY IS MY "I" KEY SO DIRTY? iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hmm tt act shows how many Is i type in one blog..
anyway.. bac to the topic.. okok so yest i was totally pissed off in the afternoon cos i was wonderin how the fuck did he survive 20 somehing years. coz incredible dumbness does kill. he is the survivor! poor vern. i had a bitch fit all the way frm pgp and thru the park! but then he was nice and all.. when we just told him out.. right tt there isnt a very good impression of rag day pple. sooo yeah.. he may be a tad u noe.. but he is nice and *grinz* he doesnt like me. yesh i can sense it when he pretended to joke tt he doesnt like me. and he was rather taken bac to see i couldnt be bothered.
so anyway... when i got bac to pgp had this huge choc bar to cure myself! and was complainin to anyone whu bothered (aka only one poor andy. coz it was his first time tokin to me on msn.. hence his willingness to act listen!) tt i need to get out.. and next thing i noe.. andy is bringin ah lai and i out to eat! woohoo! yeah and to cut the long story short.. later when i fell asleep durin exorcist.. they act stopped the movie halfway to go bac.. so tt they wun disturb me! feel v v guilty over tt!! i mean if wei leen fell asleep while we were watchin a movie in his room.. we will wait for the movie to fin first lorz!! arrrghh guilty evil me. so yeah.. and everytime my m..sn nick is sum grumpy title.. ben act takes the time to ask why... woooah... and ah lai just asked why too.. ooohhh... feel like the only evil one here now. so nus act has several nice guys!!
so there.. finally sum praises on this pathetically whiney blog.
i need to get out of here. away frm NUS. it has been very long since i act went somewhere unrelated to NUS! save my sanity and take me away! I love qunfa.
there is a huge storm brewin outside... tink God is tryin to tell me " learn your friggin french before u are one barbequed piece of cow". so ciao!