for those wif music on their blogs, pls take it off. once i enter ur blog, my com starts gettin alot of pops up which are near to impossible to close.
this is a long self pityin post. so if u are not in the mood, close this window.
truth is.. i feel ashamed. of??
- disappointin my parents over and over again.
- demandin too much
-not living out my promises or stickin to resolutions
-havin mean evil thots in my head.
- makin use of situations to try to tok more to my crush. mad logic but yeah. im crazy
- cuttin off my bridges easily
-hating pple passionately
- cursin on a regular basis
- overutilisin the word "fuck"
- thinkin tt some pple are born morons and feelin for their parents
- tinkin tt guys can be dumb sometimes
- not being straightforward.
- living in the past.
-not being straightforward.
- not being brave enuff to confess.
- then mournin incessantly over being too stupid.
-being bimbotic and not understandin stuff .. or not speakin or writin good english anymore
- being irritatin the heck out of pple
- being anti social
- being too selfish and self centred.
- being a spendthrift. splurgin on presents.
- forgettin birthdays
- neglectin frens
- cheatin
- lying.
- greed
-being manipulative
- not studyin hard enuff
- over self pitying myself when there is a lot to be thankful for
- being too dramatic
- gluttony
- exaggerating stories
- acting cute at times.
- causin qunfa to turn cycnical.
- jealousy
- not holdin bc any disdain when i see other pple being dumb.
- being cycnical and pessimistic.
- wincing when singapore idol cums on tv.
- commentin loudly while watchin tv.
-biting
- hatin nistelrooy passionately
- tinkin tt shirtless c. ronaldo looks like a demented giraffe
- being somewhere i dun deserve nor belong. this place. NUS, this life shud have gone to someone better. someone whu reallie wanted it. sumoen whu wun complain at all. then i wun be causin my parents so much moeny and pain.
this is my confession. i cant stop! it is 8th level for me. I dun deserve such nice frens like u guys.. you are all too wonderful to put up wif such a terrible, horrid, mean person like me. i cant look in the mirror no more. do u still love me? now tt i haf realised it.. and hav warned u. run. run away frm me.. let me self destruct without harmin anyone else. a meaningless soul is no more a worthless leech tt wastes oxygen, time and money.

hmmm.. couldnt resist droppin a note..
first off im feelin rather disturbed due to an auntie secretary at work.. seems like everyone at work noes tt she hates me. just coz i kept on askin her questions in the beginnin.. and coz i didn teach geetha every single bitty detail of the job. and she refers to me as the "admin girl". rather insulted by tt. but tt is life i guess.. poor girl.. go crazy from being kept indoors all day... funny thing is.. i noe she is backstabbin me.. and she is okay wif me at work.soooo... it is kinda funny.. like a hide and seek game. ah well.. let her play her games.. doesnt mean she doesnt haf a life means tt i dun.
hmmm 2nd thing. i tink guys are weird. seriously speakin.. my opinon of guys hit an all time low aft enterin uni. okok lemme cite a very very veryweird incident. on tues i boarded the NEL line lahz.. and guess whu i saw?? KEN! he is in army now... and frankly.. looks better with his new hairdo.. apparently he is in the building bridge squad. anyways.. he was wif two frens lahz.. and we talked all the way frm outram park to serangoon station. thing is .. when he asked his frens come join us they didnt wan to... so i was like "hmmmm??" then the next day, ken sms me his number.. and one fren (herein referred as tall guy) smsed me too. so this is where it gets a bit confusin. the tall guy lied and said he was the other guy (herein referred to as blue bag. reminds u of blue whale doesnt it??). so aft i said it was okay for us to be frens.. he tell me tt he is the other guy and ask me to sms blue bag coz blue bag is a shy guy. eh? i was tinkin "awww so sweet this fren act care for his fren.. help his fren" at the same time, ken told me tt blue bag ask whether im attached. and said tt i was cute. ookkay tt kinda cheered me up a bit coz "hey baby! i still got it!" then i asked tall guy "is ken with u?" and guess wat?? all 3 of them were together!! v v v weird! first.. he wans to noe mee.. but he wans me to take the first initiative to noe him? nvm.. im friendly! then his 2 frens help him sms me? waste my sms... coz he is there wat! why cant he one guy sms me?? reallie dun noe wat to tink. ah wells.. tt is just one weird incident.. but i tink he is just a sweet shy guy lahz?
im gg interview alone!!1 scary! a bit worried tt im gonna be there alone.. and an outcast! yeah yeah some of u haf seen my anti social self.. look at me now.. such a social person tt im writin a blog entry at 8 pm at nite. yesh in case u are tt dense... am an outcast in NUS rite now. so im worried bout gg there alone.. even the lady interviewee was shocked when i said i wanted to go alone. hmmm. die lahz.
yesh! i love the FA! they are not blind idiots aft all.. nistelrooy shud be charged! like the newspaper says.. he shud b charged coz wat he did was delibrate.. cud haf ended cole's career.. plus he is still lying.. salaud. il est menteur! il penser que nous ne sommes pas tres intelligent! il est neul! sourd-muet. u noe wat the sad part is?? he is such a lousy player.. it wun hurt man u if he sits out 3 matches.. deserves sumthing worse! fouet! ébullition en huile! broche! such a cucumber u noe....
ok bitchin session over. by the way.. hi irene! wan go usa wif me?? cant read ur blog.. coz i got like 3 pop ups always comin up tellin me they detect virus.. can check ya settings?? maybe it is just me lahz..hall link urs soon.. under ermmm chio bu! hee...

im nt sure why, but when i saw tt an ice cream joint has opened in serangoon garden, just felt like puttin my head down and cryin.. e first thot tt came to my head was "hey! one day must ask jill try it wif me!"then the realization tt i cant do tt for the next month came crashin down. i miss serangoon garden! when i go bac, im so freakin happy to be bac and dun ever wan to return bac to clementi..i miss the past few months when therfe was no sch. things were less complicated.. and i wun be pissed on such a regular basis.
yet when i cum to nus.. yesh.. granted tt there is a terrible workload.. stress and all.. everything one can whine about is here.. but in an odd sense .. haf grown to be rather fond of nus. i mean at hme there isnt e freedom to stay out and chit chat wif frens in the tv room is there? plus i get left alone when i wan to. there are several great pple here. plus here i got my beloved laptop and all.. and my room can be ab messy and no one noes!! and save me but i love doin laundry!
bac to the match. i ab agree wif pei. nistelrooy is such an arsehole. play dirty k! and the blind referee is such a biased guy. he was ab all for man u k. tt was worth a yellow card NOT a foul! and oh Goodness. karma so did not come ard this time. nistelrooy played dirty so many times.. pushin, kickin pple's legs, steppin on pple's feet. it is so obvious they knew tt if they played wif dignity they wud fuckin lose. nvm arsenal. it is better to lose wif dignity than win wif such dirty lowdown methods. never was a fan of arsenal. but aft this match. am totally against man u! pls. it is in old trafford. goodness. stop pattin urself on the bac. coz man u still will not win the championship.
mum's bdae on tues. hav yet to buy her present. shit

u noe the feelin of incredible sadness? when u noe u tried ur best to keep a frenship but saw it slippin away? u tried and tried and tried. but the other person doesnt wan u anymore. the sting of rejection from a fren is way worse than anything. aft a while u tink, why shud u do anythin more? u tried. but u failed. wats the pt in always gg bac to get brushed off? indifference kills. why shud u be a pest? why bother? why? why?
i dun get u. dun be so self centered all the time will u? if u take a good look ard u, u will see wat the fuck is act happenin.. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. for the first time in my life.. i mean this seriously, go fuck urself.

before i rush off to work.. shall write a quick note. since vern has started readin this blog...
decided to act write a non whiney, no complaints and happy blog!
ermmm.
im gonna eat my beautiful wantan mee wif hot hot hot CHILLI! yay!
and i just learnt how to say bastard in french! wooo hooo!
ermmmm.
*silence*
erm... and these guys in com lab are fucking noisy! woo hoo!
errrmmm..
ok! gtg work now.. c ya!

woo hooo! Tt shall be my next fav sayin... wwooohoo hoo! sims 2 is e ultimate! love love love LURRRVE IT! cant wait till my com gets bac frm the com centre.. sims 2 craze!
nite cycling was act very very fun! wat a way to get bac into sports.. heyyy never exercise aft those killer sessions in NY.. then suddenly go cycling... my bike seat had a very very pppuuurtty flower.. bwahahhah anyways.. i thto we were gonna cycle frm NUS to lau pa sat only.. turns out we cycled to newton (thru orchard road!! gee whiz wat a way to see orchard at nite!) then to lau pat sat then all the way to east coast! u can imagine my face wheni found out! bwahahahaha! hmm took lots of photos to proe tt we realie went there... (well act just count it as many for someone like me..) when marcus send to me then i post on my blog for ya all to see kk?? oh ya another thing.. rem how i was syain my main aim is find a nice guy tt i can praise to the high skies?? yeah i found 2! one is marcus.. was damn impressed when he let me and vern go before him so tt he can help us if anythiing happens..and also to protect us frm oncoming traffic.. woooweee! nice rite?? instead of just like cycling as fast as the other guys in front.. wat else lehz? i forgot.. got sumthing else too/... oh! he pulled me bac frm an oncoming car.. as pei said.. can imagine wat *scowls* some other guys wud do instead...
yesh. so there are reallie nice guys in the world aft all! act dun reallie noe them well so cant see any glaringly obvious horrible defects lahz.. like. tinking tt they are smarter than u and tokin down to you... being extremely superficial, being too insensitive at the wrong times, pissing u off on regular basis..pointing out ur faults on a regular basis or sayin how bad company girls can be often.yeah i cud go on..
anwyay bac to nite cycling! it was reallie reallie fun.. our leader was a bit mad.. we cycled on main roads1 the excitement ah.. and the thrill! to be exercising again! and to sweat like a pig.. and the wind against ur face... wat was so funny was tt a bicycle has different gears..1 gear is for easy cycling on downslopes and level grd while anoter is for upslope.. we didnt understand how to change it so we were like "watever.. just ride.." big mistake.. for the first 2 legs to lau pa sat there were hell alot of upslopes.. and we were panting like mad.. and the gap between us and the front was gettin reallie big.. hmmmm.. so at lau pa sat we finally asked how to change gear.. turns out tt we were cycling at the most diff gear to go upslope... *pengz* so smart rite??
was a bit pai seh coz rite.. there was this part we cycled thru a rough terrain wif a lot of tree roots.. and when i hit the first tree roots.. i opened my mouth to go "ooowww" but there were so many more aft tt first one tt it became "ou ou ouo ou ou ou ou ou ou...." u get the drift.. didnt realise i was doin it til vern in front of me startted laughing hysterically! so pai seeeehhh..
was whining, complaining, shriekin and screamin the whole way.. was pretty irritating lahz... when i asked marcus to whine.. he looked at me in silence.. smiled and looked at the traffice light.. adn then said.."can go alreadi." sighz. so aside frm the many near accidents (trust me each one of them was punctuated wif a shriek.. poor guys) .. and the aching thighs and arse.. nite cycling is pretty fun! there are a lot more funny incidents but i cant bore u wif all so yeah next time we meet up then shall say all..
oh ya.. hav decided to keep this blog private.. shall not tell any more NUS pple bout it. coz i realised tt if i wan to complain.. got to keep it coded.. then.. so tedious liaoz.. so so far only geetha and.. ermmmm i tink no one else. (dun tink kandi reads this anymore). coz trust me.. there will be many many complains bout prat. d.rabbit, martin o, and more.. watch this space for complaints! *typical singaporean*

*jumps abt* %^&#$$$#@#$$%!!!! for the viewer's physical and mental health, the board has decided to censor this post. please do not mind the inconsistencies. we apologise for the inconvenience caused.
a pt for guys to note.
when a girl doesn see the need for a boyfren in her life.. it doesn mean tt she is lesbian u puny brained moronic *censor* *censor* i wud like to *censor censor censor* you. honestly. where were u when God was giving out brains? checkin out the prices of plastic surgery?
I feel much better now. *grumble grumble* i cant complain much coz i just made frens wif ah lai today whu is pretty nice so there goes my major whine tt i haf yet to find a truly nice guy. but then again i thot prat was a nice guy. turns out he is quite dumb. act my new theory is tt guys are all ah chens (aka prince charming). it is how much they choose to display.. but overall.. they are all xu chenish. buay tahan at times.
im grumpy.. gonna go nite cycling tml. frm 9 pm to 5 am. my arse wud fucking hurt. and i will waddle for 3 whole days. so much for venturingh bac into sports. why cant they allow the guys to take over us... ^&*(%$$&! *censor censor censor* they wud enjoy it coz *censor censor censor*.
gonna meet neela tml. hmmm
oh ya! im $10 richer! coz the SOC did a survey.. and for doing tt survey u get $10. BWAHAHHAHAHAHA! i love gettin lobang news! very very proud of it.. jinting wans to use it to buy sweets for the bu grp.. errmmmmm?? how did i ever get such nice frens?? like geetha act brought her whole file of BU notes for me.. thanks girl!

woo hoo!!! vern is gonna bring her laptop here for me to play her sims 2!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!
p=oh shes here!
bueiz!

okok itz been a while since i last posted..
i agree wif ting. yesh. im beginning to get very. sick. of. guys. seriously.. each of us has a guy that we wud dearly love to stick a tv up their tight arses. im in the tv room now tts hence the tv part. but ting.. woooah man.. WOOOah girl!
hmmm and yeah.. how can life be so incredible and yet terrible at the same time?? was having a terrible day coz i couldn sleep last nite (angry till eyes cant close!) and then geetha hands me the brochure! aft tt pretty excited.. no matter wat//.. i must live till next year!! seriously hope tt wun clash wif SEP.. going travelling!!
then dear jill smses me... frens instinct huh?? if only call u out to coffee bean...
u noe there is this depression ad on tv now.. it basicaly goes " are u tired all the time? do u feel .." all the symptons of depression ;lahz.. then goes... "if u haf these symptons.." then i blurtd out " u are in NUS" and u can see the whole tv room pple agreein.. hmmmm..
ah wells.. my com is down rite now.. and i need more instant noodles..
happy birthday qun!! hope u had a wonderful time!
okok shall sign off now.. et the garlic toast dear vern has kindly made!1

i haf an awful feelin tt im gonna flunk out of uni.
number of pple i pissed off so far this week: 2 guys anf a girl (watever happened to e old me whu wouldn gif a rat's ass?? dis is very disturbing)
number of pple i feel unconfortable wif now: 6
number of 20 cts coins for laundry : 3 (why is every one givin me change in 50cts and 10 cts???)
sighz. today is thurs and hav walked ard queenstown, newton area, esplanade and marina mandrin so far this week. yesh all for the sake of projects. sure haf big thighs one. and when i say walk.. itz WALK! reallie walk all ard... like at the esplanade, pple kept on referrin us to other offices which wud be levels apart.. makin us walk to and fro.. oh yeah and took the "short" cut to NUH late at nite. so MANY stairs. NYJCians will understand the general feelin bout stairs.
sighz.. shall say this outrite. my BU project is like shit. i tinkwe are gonna flunk it lorz. very superficial coz we dun reallie noe wats gg on. shit. damn demoralized rite now.
cant wait for next fri to come... will be finallyt haf time to myself then! but knowin sde.. always last min got sumthing pop up one!
ever had this sensation tt sumthing is stuck in ur throat?? permanently? i noe im losin frens rapidly... and i .. dunnoe wat to do.. *sob* the feelin og losin control over ur time and life.. well.. makes u feel very desperate.
siong is coming back1 yay! a light in the tunnel! so is tim! in fact if im nt wrong.. he's on the plane nack.. *jumps about* and neela too! good ol neela! everyone is comin bac to spore! *dances ard*

i got to do BU powerpt and research and drawin before lesson today.. so tt means no sleep.. before i sign off shall just put this quote: "doesnt mean tt when a dream ends, it didnt come true once)

monday: orginally a free day but packed like mad now. queenstown in the mornin. RE project meetin at 1.. AR project grp meetin at 2 to go newton. and finally BU project report due at nite..
and before u ask.. no.. none of this is due to procrastination.. they all just came up.
took the most diff part for AR project.. hope i wun let my grp down this time...
tues: french test. BU grp meetin. work. target to be done by then. nite studyin
wed: do drawin assignment. i have sumthing else but i cant rem wat on earth it is.
sighzzzz..... how hows?? totally stressed out.. like a bomb about to explode... u can see durin meetings the other members are stressed too.. at one time at least one member will be attendin 2 meetings simultaneously by hoppin from one table to another (and no. itz not me.. though i will be running off halfway on monday). u noe sometimes..all you wan to do is whine and complain bout ur workload.?? then ur compainion will tell u how much work they have? how irritated u feel?? there is this book tt gab lent me.. describes tt feeling!
" she just wanted to wallow for a while. You dried her tears before they'd finished. You turned off her pressure valve off. You were making things worse, not helping her."
i wan to study!
just got off the phone wif you duan. how unsettling. nothing to tok to him about liaoz.. sad but true... guess u can never reallie be frens wif someone whom u cared deeply for.
there is a charlie brown cartoon. one character tells the other.. life is like a cruise ship. some pple set up their deck chairs in the front of the ship.. watchin the waters in front of the ship. others set up their deck chairs at the back of the ship lookin towards the path that the ship has just gone thru. so which one are u?? one who looks to the future.. or dwells on ur broken dreams of the past? or are u trapped lookin for a dream u never had? i am.
a mess of contradictions now. i feel lazy yet hardworkin. friendly yet the moment i enter a room.. anti social. when i lay to sleep... i feel tired yet i cant sleep coz im awake. weird huh? feel sorry yet irritated. stuffed yet greedy. haven caught up wif all my work.. sinkin fast in a pit of despair yet.. strangely.. i dun noe why am not takin steps to get out of this.

ignore me. im all messed up.